Elder-caregivers

Don't panic - First, tell any adult-children or relative that you need help! Also, ask a friendly neighbor for some way that would indicate there's an immediate problem at your home...or to visit with DH when you need to take charge of household activities outside the home.

There's hope your doctors and his/her staff(s) can assist you with information getting appropriate assistance from medication, social worker or eldercare specialist at the hospital with which they are affiliated and that they know and trust. Be honest and specific with them. You need not reveal financial information quite yet but get all the information, phone numbers, personal testimonials so that you can make good future choices. At first, you may want to think about seeking care for yourself. If you need it, get it and because either one of you sound at risk, discuss with your spouse what you are doing and get his input, if possible.

Do you have reliable transportation for shopping, appointments, etc...? Going forward, you might only require help in seasonal types of weather...but I can't begin to guess where you live.

Next: Call the leader of your church, temple, mosque or other congregation, if there is one! Someone's gone through these health challenges before you. Perhaps that someone will give you recommendations and good local advice.

You need to develop a support system and be well. If you are stressed, burned out, or develop an MS flare, depression/mental illness, you will not stay healthy mentally or physically for very long. Kindness toward the patient is key in caretaking, just as you would want. Now you can probably make kind suggestions instead of being alarmingly panicked by things you don't yet know for sure. If you are in danger of domestic violence, get help immediately from authorities.

I think Catholic Charities might be a national organization and assists caretakers/elders that are not necessarily Catholic. They've been helpful in the times DH and I needed some support and we were not catholic.

Next thing: Because you can use the internet, the Council on Aging or any MS Support group of which you may be a member may have more specific suggestions, depending upon the known diagnoses.

Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease when your needs are clear but you maintain a humble attitude. Be kind; persons you speak to have hearts too! Start and maintain a log of who you spoke with at each place and what was suggested. Do not yet commit or sign anything...You may get many that cannot help, but do not let yourself become depressed or aggressive. It's an active challenge; smile that you are in the game - you may find some help just because people like to be helpful.

Lastly, if your condition or his does deteriorate, find an eldercare attorney or geriatric specialist who may have a checklist of what needs to be handled should one or both of you find yourselves with an acute or long-term hospitalized illness, LW&T, medical power of attorney, DNR orders, palliative versus hospice care. They can help you review specifics of the care you need handled with home maintenance and/or personal finances and end-of-life planning preferences.

Be grateful for each day - things work out as best as possible when you're armed with as much information as possible about what's doable for you now and/or in the future. Best wishes going forward; never back! Be kind and grateful, learn all you can, and make as good with choices as possible.

Post script: Please, other DUers, I hope you take these suggestions as such, not medical advice, and join the discussion if you know what or how we can reassure this member who has written frantically for help. I don't do well with anxiety, I get alarmed too about the future! Thankfully, I've found help along the way!