Mental Health Support

Here's what I've learned:

Short term drugs like Oxy-anything will cause worse depression when it wears off. Be careful.
Beware of any drugs that "mess with your head." They are making it harder for you to cope. Talk to your doctor about the side effects.
A qualified psyciatrist can prescribe anti-depressants appropriate for your situation.
However the long term solution won't be drugs.

I was pulled out of a long term depression by Body Code, a kind of energy work. You can look that up online and find online certified practitioners who can do sessions by phone or zoom. I also found it to reduce/eliminate pain.

For the back pain, read Healing Back Pain by Dr. John Sarno. Just reading the book can get results. He is no longer alive, but he used to practice at NYU Medical Center in NYC, and I believe they are carrying on his work there, so if you need more help than the book can give you, see if you can make an appt. This doesn't require long term treatment, usually two visits will work. i recovered from years of debilitating sciatic nerve pain from the book plus two visits.
I had pain but not the drop foot, I don't know how that relates to his work but it makes sense to ask the doctors at NYU (not just doctors not familiar with dr. Sarno's work). We are all tempted to believe surgery will be more powerful than a book, but I had 3 back surgeries, and the book is what worked. It will take an open mind but I've witnessed many success stories and every one of them had tried everything before they tried this.

Please don't think of yourself as broken. You have been through enough that would level just about anybody. Your reaction to all this is just plain human. Kudos to you for reaching out here for help. Recognizing you need help is the first step, and I wish for you help from people who can help in person, not just people online. Find someone--therapist, social worker, some kind of professional who is not emotionally caught up in the situation and knows what resources are available. No one can get through what you are dealing with alone.

Best of luck. We are rooting for you.