End of Life Issues

I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I know you will get support here, so it's good you're sharing what you're going through.



I feel so bad for you. And I can truly empathize.

I don't know if it will help at all to know it's not just you, but it's not. Especially in not wanting to have to unnecessarily risk your own health to help or even just be with a dying parent.

My father died of pancreatic cancer on October 25. He only lived 67 days after his diagnosis and was cared for by my Mom, with help from all 5 of her children.

But, 3 of them were there most of the time and none of them would wear masks. They claimed they were bring careful and couldn't possibly be carrying the virus, but they really weren't. So, my husband and I had the added worry of getting COVID when we went there.

Every time, I reminded my mom how bad it would be if she got COVID on top of everything, she would admit I was right. But, nothing changed.

The only one of them to wear a mask consistently when my husband & I were there was my Dad. I finally felt so awful about it I said, "Dad, you're the only person here I don't expect to wear a mask." So, he stopped wearing it.

In other ways, as well, my one sister and I were made to feel both unwanted & resented for not being there more. And we resented them for treating us that way.

And after Dad died, we couldn't talk about it with Mom, because 1. Her husband just died and 2. She said we're being petty, since we weren't the ones there most of the time helping her with Dad.

Then, the day after Christmas, my only brother, one of the "good" helpers, died suddenly in an accident. To add to the tragedy, his young adult sons were there and saw it happen.

Our grief-stricken, divided family is not doing well.

Some people think "After all that, why can't you all just unite?" But it's not that easy.