Local contacts to help you transition. At several critical junctures in my moms life I was lucky enough to get advice and assistance by being a bit persistent and repeatedly asking for help and advice from those in working in the system.
For example- I wanted to get my mom in a clinic for geriatric psychiatry (she had Alzheimer's, and they had an excellent program) but was told they did not take new Mecicare patients. A friend said I needed to physically go there and ask them if there was any way at all around that. I did, didn't get an answer but had warned them I was desperate and would follow up. A few days later when I called back- the same woman told me I could take mom into the ER and then ask for a referral. It worked and they were indeed an amazing medical group and huge resource.
Another time she was hospitalized and without warning was going to be moved to a very shitty rehab center the next day. They weren't good at notifying me becasue my phone number was out of state (I had to get a new cell phone w her states area code or doctors would not call me) . So we were desperate to find her a better rehab and none had openings- but a friend of my cop
brother got a "community liaison" to step in and ask, and she did get a much better placement. I realized there's a network of people that make these decisions and if you can get them in their side and be seen as an advocate it can make a big difference.
Another thing is there's going to be a bit of a struggle with you "taking over"- parents feel guilt about you doing so much and also sometimes need to keep their independence. You have to kindly win this struggle and get them to accept it is better for the both of you to allow you do make decisions, get them help etc... eventually they should be relieved by allowing you to do this. I had to stress with my mom that not accepting help was making MY life harder and she needed to get on board and get out of my way.
The American assoc of Geriatric psychiatrists helped me a lot, there maybe a similar group targeted more toward your moms needs. Anyway, much depends on the connections you make, so outreach is critical.
Big hugs and much luck!
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