Elder-caregivers

Rorey

(8,513 posts)

4. Been there

Thu Mar 16, 2017, 11:08 PM

Mar 2017

I concluded there is no good answer. We had an elderly relative who took care of her husband who had dementia and also couldn't walk. She wouldn't allow anyone but us to help out, and we all lived out of state. Realistically, none of us had the skills required to care properly for him anyway. Then she got cancer and caring for him became impossible. She STILL wouldn't let us hire someone to come in to help. She didn't want anyone in her home. She didn't trust anyone but family. There was no choice but for him to go to a nursing home.

You've given him good options. If he doesn't want to take them then there's not much you can do other than forcing him to get help he doesn't want. My only advice for you would be to try not to feel guilty or be goaded into doing what you shouldn't be doing.

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trying to help/deal with, my almost 99 YO father... [View all] Alameda Mar 2017 OP

Have you tried looking into the COPES MFM008 Mar 2017 #1

thank you, I will do that...but... Alameda Mar 2017 #3

This message was self-deleted by its author Maru Kitteh Dec 2018 #34

That's a Washington State Medicaid program. nt marybourg Mar 2017 #5

Yes MFM008 Mar 2017 #27

How about if you offer to do their shopping/banking for them? marybourg Mar 2017 #2

tried that...no way will he accept it. Alameda Mar 2017 #6

Well then you may just have to wait it out. marybourg Mar 2017 #11

Great advice Rorey Mar 2017 #13

He is obviously stubborn, but what a guy! 99 and he's still able to pay his bills, drive a car and Doodley Mar 2017 #14

Yes he is strong, very strong... Alameda Mar 2017 #17

I am sorry to hear that. I have been through it myself. Do they have any means Doodley Mar 2017 #19

Yes, they have means....but don't want to spend it. Alameda Mar 2017 #21

Yes there are advantages to being a vet, but does he have any diagnosed illnesses that Doodley Mar 2017 #23

He gets belligerent Alameda Mar 2017 #24

Anger feels like power ginnyinWI Mar 2017 #28

Been there Rorey Mar 2017 #4

This is the internet and I'm a stranger tirebiter Mar 2017 #7

Life is terminal Rorey Mar 2017 #10

Do they have any money or equity? If so, maybe assisted living or a retirement home Doodley Mar 2017 #8

We just put my dad in hospice gwheezie Mar 2017 #9

I am sorry to hear that about your father. I hope they take good care of him. Doodley Mar 2017 #12

thank you for your response Alameda Mar 2017 #18

It's a huge relief gwheezie Mar 2017 #22

the worst thing is not knowing how long... ginnyinWI Mar 2017 #29

So sorry for your situation. I know it must be difficult. 58Sunliner Mar 2017 #15

Hang in there 🙂 Snackshack Mar 2017 #16

My father had in home hospice care during his last years with dementia Freethinker65 Mar 2017 #20

Get power of attorney asap tirebiter Mar 2017 #25

He won't give it to me Alameda Jul 2018 #32

You are in an impossible situation. PoindexterOglethorpe Mar 2017 #26

I can identify with your situation. cpamomfromtexas Mar 2017 #30

Everyone thank you for your sympathy and advice.... Alameda Mar 2017 #31

My stepmother passed away Alameda Jul 2018 #33

Hello Alameda. narnian60 Dec 2018 #35

adult protective services can actually help... Trueblue Texan Jan 2020 #36