Elder-caregivers

What do you do? It sounds like you have a full life where you live. If you lived your own life except to visit your family, I don't see why they expect you to uproot yourself and move closer.

Are you emotionally close to the elderly relative? If you aren't, uprooting your life won't be good for anyone.

Have you been helping financially? Sometimes that is all you can do, no matter how much you care about your family members. If you aren't helping financially, are you able to? If you help the elderly family member, don't give the money directly to them, because of the illicit drugs. Work with a utility company or landlord and make arrangements to pay that bill directly. You can use Door Dash or another service to deliver groceries. I used Door Dash this last year to send restaurant food to my sister and my friend when they were able to get to the store. Both live in different cities away from me. Call the loved one and if you can get a list of what they need or want, order and set up a delivery time.

If your loved one is abusing drugs, you might not even be able to do anything to help. My friend's Dad, who I loved like a father, had substance abuse problems, and it was difficult for her to have relationship with him. Her sibling became the main caretaker, and because they had a similar issue, they got along fine. It still wasn't easy, but it never is.

My Mom lived 1000 miles away from me for over 20 years. We were close, had a good relationship. She got very ill. While she was being diagnosed and treated, my husband and I went to see her. I wanted to take her home. A very kind nurse asked me if I were trained to give my Mom the care she needed-IV therapy, and so on. I wasn't trained and the nurse said "Your Mom is right where she needs to be and we will take good care of her." I didn't know my limits but that nurse did. My Mom later recovered and she came to live with my husband and me, until after several years, I couldn't take care of her needs. She spent her last year in a nursing home, and I visited her there.

You will feel better when you make a decision about what you can realistically do. Good luck.