reason.
As you may be probably aware I was recently in a situation where I lost hope and therefore, lost justification for my existence. Yet for some reason, before I overdosed I still prayed to God because I thought that my decision at the time was to spare others because I was no longer productive or a contributer to anything worthwhile--I was merely a burden on others.
I will say that I'm not an overly religious person and while I've questioned if there is a "God", for some reason I still return back to believing in Him. Karl Marx said that, "religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions." So maybe I'm delirious from my illusory addiction and maybe I'll never find real happiness because of that addiction, but underneath they are a core of my being and existence.
One of the few benefits that I have while unemployed is to dig deeper into the writings of theologists, philosophers and sociologists. About 15 years ago I told one of my "deep thinking" friends that my philosophy on life is that when that I become rich enough to never have to work again. then I'll have time to be a philosopher. It is ironic that poverty has led me to become a more spiritual and introspective person than I ever did when I was wealthier.
So I might be mentally deranged and a victim of manic depression, but for some reason "God" still has a plan for me that has not been revealed. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here to provide a response tonight. However, note to God--don't take forever to let me know wazzup?
= new reply since forum marked as read