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History of Feminism

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ismnotwasm

(42,574 posts)
Sun Feb 16, 2014, 07:38 AM Feb 2014

Shifting The Blame For Sexual Harassment (Or, Damn Those Mysterious Women) [View all]

I thought I'd toss in a little "nuance", since I'm still bemused how that word can actually be used be used in a discussion of rape; let's get our "echo chamber(?)" looking toward sexual harassment

Shifting The Blame For Sexual Harassment (Or, Damn Those Mysterious Women And Their Weird Mystery Feelings)

Women have been trying to explain to men how this fear and discomfort works for a while now in the form of the “Schrodinger’s Rapist” argument. Many men have resisted this explanation relentlessly because they get stuck in WAIT SO YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY THAT YOU JUST ASSUME I MIGHT BE A RAPIST I AM A GOOD PERSON HOW DARE YOU mode. They miss the part that basically explains this: if you send me the signal that you don’t care about my preferences and boundaries, then I’m going to assume that you don’t care about my preferences and boundaries.

There is no great mystery to this. If you make sexual comments to women you don’t know or persistently pester a female coworker to go on a date with you, those women are going to assume that you’re treating them like an object to be fucked and not like a human being, and they’re going to have opinions of you and your behavior in accordance with that.

Sometimes people misinterpret innocent behavior as malicious, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re “irrational” or “wrong” in doing so. Suppose that 90% of the time a man I don’t know has asked me what I’m reading, it has turned into him hitting on me or refusing to leave me alone when I was clearly sending “please leave me alone” signals or calling me names when I politely asked to be left alone so I could return to my reading. One day I’m sitting in Central Park reading a book and a guy comes up and asks me what I’m reading. I shoot him an angry look and ignore him. He walks off, confused and embarrassed. He had simply thought the cover looked like the cover of his favorite book about social psychology and wanted to know what I thought of it.

Maybe we could’ve had a great conversation. Maybe we could’ve made friends. But, unfortunately, his behavior just looked too much like the behavior of the men in 90% of these situations, who ruin a quiet and thoughtful moment by using my reading as an excuse to hit on me in public. And if he thinks about this, and reads this blog post or the Schrodinger’s Rapist one, he’ll realize that it makes complete sense that I reacted the way I did, given what I have to deal with 90% of the time. It was no mystery. It was unfortunate and disappointing, but at the same time, entirely rational**.


http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason/2014/02/15/shifting-the-blame-for-sexual-harassment-or-damn-those-mysterious-women-and-their-weird-mystery-feelings/
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we must take responsibility for not being raped, and when we do, we are picking on men. seabeyond Feb 2014 #1
Right? ismnotwasm Feb 2014 #2
Creepy is accurate. There is push back on it because it is so undesireable. But that's the point. Squinch Feb 2014 #4
Yeah I guess you're right. ismnotwasm Feb 2014 #5
the thing... i do not think it is sociopath. i think it is the regular joe, being conditioned, seabeyond Feb 2014 #6
Oh, God. I didn't see that... Squinch Feb 2014 #8
sociopathy is on the rise, sea. Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #10
too convenient to place over half our men as sociopaths. dont buy it. seabeyond Feb 2014 #12
will get back to you on this. also, sea - you must realize that women can be sociopaths, too. Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #15
I remember that study! cinnabonbon Feb 2014 #25
Oh, please. That whole thread was like an "I don't know the difference between sex and rape" Squinch Feb 2014 #7
That's about right ismnotwasm Feb 2014 #9
Oh, I know you don't need help with words. And I'm glad you spared yourself that thread. Squinch Feb 2014 #11
Me too ismnotwasm Feb 2014 #13
I particularly liked Bains recent observation: there are things we commonly see on DU that Squinch Feb 2014 #14
That Post of Baines' ... ON FIRE!! Love that quote. n/t Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #17
She was on a roll that day. I kept reading her posts and saying, "I'm SO GLAD someone said that!" Squinch Feb 2014 #18
me too, Squinch. me too. Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #21
That's exactly my problem ismnotwasm Feb 2014 #22
I don't recommend it to friends either. Too archaic on this issue, often too upsetting. Squinch Feb 2014 #23
I'm pretty aggressive ismnotwasm Feb 2014 #24
All these guys who have the idea that "creep" is a word applied to unattractive men need to Squinch Feb 2014 #3
it has beem my experience that some of the most physically attractive men have been Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #16
The entitlement factor is often a lot stronger. And to me, that's the basis of the "creep." Squinch Feb 2014 #19
true enough - Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #20
LOVE this. And this just cracked me up: redqueen Feb 2014 #26
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