History of Feminism

Explaining why some women are their own worst enemy, when it comes to relationships.

Most of us men are NOT the problem, until you make it self-fulfilling. Stop painting the men you come across with a broad brush. We are as individual as women are. If all, or most of the men in your life treat you badly, for whatever reason, you should go look in the mirror for that reason. Either you are looking in the wrong places for men friends/relationships, or... You are the problem and they are just reacting to the way YOU are treating them.

I know what I am talking about here. I was in a relationship once (Just once) where i thought everything was just fine for several years. And every this was good. Then the mind games started. I had trouble accepting, as in, wrapping my mind around, what she was doing. There was a 3 minute Dating party, that fell through for her, only because 2 men she had invited, failed to show up. The party itself went fine. A couple of other times we went shopping for whatever. The real reason being, so she could scope out a salesman she was interested in. Or the weekend I went to visit my Dad, who lived 200 miles away. She ask me to pickup some brand of coffee they did not sell in Fargo. She chose this weekend to entertain her new boyfriend. I found out when I got back. Then there was all the piddly stuff in between, I have since forgotten.
This was the only women I needed counseling to uncouple from. I had trouble believing anyone could treat anyone else with this level of disrespect, when I had done nothing to deserve it.
Why was she like this? Because she had been in an emotionally and physically abusive, 20 year marriage and she absolutely refused to get help, counseling. I even offered to pay for it. No dice. And I am sure that my first name and he ex's first name being the same, didn't help any.
I paid the price, as did several other men she dated. She could only hold it together for so long, till the pressure built up. What made it worse was she could not let go of me because I treated her with respect. I specifically ask her once and she told me there were 3 or 4 men that treated her well, as I did. I don't emotionally abuse people. That is not my nature.
She would call me many months or even a year later, wanting to see me again. She was a good talker. This one relationship has made me sensitive to the danger signs. (There is a group here on DU loudly posting with those danger signs.) My advantage is, I see people as individuals. Women are people. Men are people. All people are individuals.

Now back to the modified excerpt: When one person with unresolved issues gets into a relationship, they spread their damage, their baggage, to the other person. It takes a toll on the other person. Now we have two people with problems. All too often, after the breakup, they think they are now OK because the relationship is over. Or 5 years has passed, or whatever. No so. The damage stays with both of them, because they are in denial of even having a problem. It is always the other person/people that has the problem. The baggage builds. Now we have two people in denial spreading their dysfunctions on to others. And back and forth it goes between the genders, as each gets into another relationship. Each always blaming the other gender, the other person, as being the problem. The broad brush --

There is help out there. More people should take advantage of it.


(Just to be clear, this post is not directed at Boston Bean.)