Bereavement

one of the tributes you have given your husband is the love you had and continue to have for him
he takes all that love with him wherever he goes--and a part of you stays with him (like you said "when you swap souls with someone, there are no takebacks&quot
and with a love so strong, i'm sure he won't go far

i think going through the ritual of scattering ashes, burial, or interment can be another significant moment of farewell and might explain why you felt more grief than healing--it's another moment of parting.

grief is just an amazing thing, isn't it? just when it feels like you've crashed you end up being taken down to another level of low. it's the hardest damn thing.

but everything we do in life we do at our own pace, from learning to walk and talk, to healing from a devastating loss. my dear friend didn't speak until he was about three and a half/four years old (and then he cut loose with a seven word question). you'll begin to heal when it's time, when you're ready. when your spirit is ready.