Really struggling at 15 months out with losing my husband [View all]

I was able to quit my job in September
so I did. I'll have to get something else in the
next few months, but I'm lucky I could do that.
It's been helpful not to have to answer to anyone.

But I'm alone and lonely. I'm doing some volunteer work for
my city that will be at least a 3 year commitment, so
that's a good thing. Won't take too much of my time, really.
I miss my husband more than ever.

I want to have a party, but I can't seem to make myself
schedule it. I dont really hear from people, and tired of being the one that makes contact.

I'm struggling to get basic cleaning and reorganizing done...and I hate that.
I've always been tidy. I've been good to get rid of a lot of both of our things, but still so much to do. It's bothering me, so I need to somehow muster to clean. It's affecting my mental health. My floors are gross.

Spent Thanksgiving with the neighbors. No I know called me.

I finally made myself do the dishes every day this week. Found out I'm allergic to all milk proteins, so now I have to figure that out.

I feel things more now than last year.
And it's kicking my ass.