Bereavement

I am so sorry your son and daughter's team mate have succumbed to it and took the final solution for whatever reasons they had.

I am so sorry for you to have to be the one left behind with the questions and grief, but believe me, you have ZERO guilt in this situation. Those that hide their pain and exit stage right like that don't allow anyone to help them. There is NOTHING you could have done if you didn't know.

My son was suicidal when his wife and he decided to divorce recently and he wisely had her take the shotgun because he was afraid he would use it. I've talked him off the ledge several times in his life, but he ASKED for help.

Having been suicidal myself due to depression and a life that has hit me "splatt" in the face countless times, I learned that it is MY responsibility to hold myself accountable and talk to someone when I get those thoughts. This year I have had to "out" myself 3 times and it's only halfway through March.

Last year was worse in some ways, but the situation in Ukraine is SO HORRIBLE that I often just break down because of my petty concerns. Feeling like I "should be grateful" and while that IS true and it isn't my fault Putin is bombing babies, the disconnect in the world and people on the Reich who swallow propaganda like it was fine wine makes my mind ache.

What people need to survive is resilience. Like palm trees that bend almost like gymnasts during the hurricanes so they don't break.

There are many places to get it that aren't part of the "official" mental health system. I was in 12 Step programs for about 30 years. It was a place where I took the time to be honest with myself and others and was admired for my thoughts on various subjects. People take turns leading the meetings and/or speaking on topics. It's really gratifying to process something and hear that it actually helped someone, but that isn't why one does it.

Church and spiritual counseling work for some. Other systems are fine as well. Grief support groups teach people quite a bit. Native Americans actually have great healthy concepts as well.

What is important is NOT where you go or if it is "approved" by anyone, but that a person finds what makes them feel their own strength.

My BIGGEST strength in the face of suicidal thoughts is procrastination.

One of my biggest weaknesses is the thing that keeps me alive long enough to get help.

Successful, driven people may not have that odd skill. And a moment of weakness and not wanting anyone to think less of them in their darkest hour is sometimes a fatal mistake that ends an otherwise worthy life.

There are many successful people who apply other strengths to this issue and live past that moment... but if a person won't reach out and they let those thoughts continue, it becomes a downward spiral.

Maybe the best a person can do is tell their loved ones, "IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS THAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD TO SUICIDE, KNOW THAT I WON'T JUDGE YOU AND I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO OR NOT DO, BUT I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU AND HELP YOU FIGURE IT OUT."

Ironically, suicide can be a way to reach for personal power, so finding a way to help a person get to their personal power and believing in them even when they don't at that moment can get them through the draw to that as the "ONLY" answer.

I hope you find a path through your grief that makes you stronger and resilient to all the crap that life can throw at us.

I hope anyone in your life learns to ask for help and does NOT take the final answer to temporary problems.

I hope God blesses you deeply and treats you kindly in honor of your son and the beauty that was his life, despite the choice he made.

His life up to that point sounds like a great blessing to you. Remember that and forgive him for his momentary weakness. I am certain if he could take it back, he would. Seeing how much it hurts you. You know he loved you and it was a moment of weakness that took him away.

Sometimes the thought of my family having to grieve and live with my mistake makes me pause long enough to get around to procrastinating my way out of suicide.

Maybe in general people should just have a list of 500 things to do instead of killing themselves. Maybe that's the true purpose of bucket lists. I don't know. But doing ANYTHING other than thinking about suicide is a step away from it.


Prayers and hugs, Tigress.