Bereavement

But most of my friend circle were extremely dependent on me to bring them sort of relief where others failed to do so. My one friend who now lives in Tennessee would call me when a relationship failed or something of the sort. I'd rush over and let her cry and cry on my shoulder. I'd stay over with her. But she was abusive. Accused me of wanting to sleep with her and went as far as claimed I sexually harassed her when I just hugged her while she was lying down one day. That alone pushed me into suicidal levels again because that easily could ruin someone's life.

I have a current friend that is so so so heavily dependent on me now to the point she wants to fly me out to spend time with her during her divorce. She is bipolar and I believe has other mental issues that are not diagnosed. She attempted suicide this past holiday season and she was on the phone describing how she cut herself so badly she was seeing all this blood. It threw me into a PTSD when I did my attempt in a similar manner. I had to distance for my own health only to be met with how selfish I was.

I take so much in. It builds and manages to stay in. I'm afraid eventually it's going to pop. Only friend I had that was a good genuine friend moved last year to Spokane and I miss her so badly. And my only friend I got left locally is a raging misogynistic asshole who is against my transition.

I totally can see how your son was and how I see myself. Like a bastion punching bag for others and no one bothered to listen to us. So we smile and hide it