Bereavement

I was thinking of all the things I could have said or done that might have saved him. That night, when he phoned me, he said something strange, and for a moment I thought I should drive out there and sit with him. But then I said to myself, "He's blackout drunk. He won't even remember if I go over there tonight. I'll talk to him after he's sobered up tomorrow." The next phone call I got was from the hospital.

The most helpful thing was when someone said, "You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time."
That was more helpful than telling me I did the best anyone could have done, or that nothing I said or did would have changed the outcome.

You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. The grief will still be with you, of course, but it helps take away the guilt. I am sure from this distance that nothing you said or did pushed him over the edge, but even if I am wrong, you love your son and you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.