Ancient Wisdom and Pagan Spirituality

First, my background bonafides: Like most Americans of European extraction I was raised with a flavor of Christianity.

My family is Italian, so we were Catholic. ( In my experience, Italian-Catholics have between 20 to 25% less guilt than Irish-Catholics, and are perhaps 20 to 25% less antisemitic than Polish-Catholics.)

I engaged in a great deal of soul-searching and religious inquiry as a young person and eventually "accepted Jesus" as they say, in my senior year of high school. This led to my spending many years reading the Bible very closely.

Like so many others who have taken the time to read the Bible, I became troubled by its contents. The first cracks in the foundation of my Christian faith didn't appear because of what I refer to as the Scientific Arguments or the Scholarly Arguments or the Historical Arguments. (Many of the critiques found in these categories can overlap, btw.) It was the Moral Argument against Biblical codes and tenents that began to wear against my sensitive nature.

Fast-forward a bit, and I pretty much label myself a rationalist empiricist but I find embracing that worldview too strictly tends to push me into depression. I have done a great deal of reading on Feminist Spirituality and Goddess Worship, and even though it is at odds with my atheist persona, I like to "play" at believing in a Female Deity.

Growing up female in a patriarchal society and having a difficult relationship with my human mother, I find it healing to conceptualize a wise, patient, nurturing Goddess. I am not prepared to die on the hill of insisting that she exists and there are some aspects of goddess worship culture that I can't accept intellectually, but the idea is comforting. I have found insight and empowerment as well as inspiration and beauty in the general idea of a Mother Goddess.

Now for a dramatic swerve in another direction. . . I've also found empowerment and inspiration in Star Trek. (If you just experienced a little bit of whiplash there trying to follow me, don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this.)

Does anyone remember the concept of the Vulcan Mind Meld? The idea behind it is that two people can share each other's thoughts and feelings so intensely that they have-- for a moment-- become one entity.

My "playful" theory on what happens when we die is that we enter into this "One-ness" with the Original Source or Matrix of all Existence. All of our individual flaws and desires fall away and we realize that our separateness-- while interesting during our mortal tenure-- was an illusion. We are truly one with each other and because of that, those of us who have caused great harm to others in our earthly lives suffer a particular punishment.

We aren't burned with flames or forced to endure having our livers pecked out; but our hearts are broken as we feel-- really feel-- the pain we have inflicted on others. This heartbreaking empathy doesn't literally have to last forever. Frankly, the concept of time is pointless in this little thought experiment. What matters is that both the pain and the personhood of those injured is fully acknowledged by those who caused that pain.

That is my hope for justice. Part of me thinks that it's silly and childish. But like my habit of talking to the ceiling from time to time, it doesn't hurt anyone else, and it helps me get by in this world.

Peace to us all.