Hey, Kid! Want eternal life? Want to be forgiven for all the crappy things you do? C'mere...Do I have something for you!

Here, read this:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Jesus is that son, kid. He died and came back to life so your sins could be forgiven. He's the key to salvation and eternal life. If you believe that, you're in. If you believe that, you're a Christian. It won't cost you a penny. You just have to believe.

Hey, mister, that's easy! Sure, I believe that. Sounds great to me, 'cause I'm always in trouble for something. So, that's it? I'm in?

You sure are, kid! Congratulations. Feels good, doesn't it?

So, now that you've joined up, here are a few things you should know: First, you're gonna keep doing bad stuff. That's human nature. So, you're going to need to apologize to Jesus, see. I can help you with that. Here's this offering plate. You just put a couple coins in there and I'll teach you all you need to know.

We have these meetings, see. You need to come to them. It's cool. You'll meet all sorts of other Christians. We'll tell you about what Jesus expects from you at those meetings and some other stuff. We might ask you for a few more coins, too. It's easy. It's all good. We do have some other rules, of course, and you'll need to follow those. But we'll show you how. We'll ask you to help bring others into our church, too, just like I'm doing.