Seniors

My heart goes out to you. It is really kind of mind-blowing. You are definitely not alone. But yes--you don't want to lose him, and he's not quite the same person you knew. It is emotionally very complicated. There's a book out there about "ambiguous grief" and it's pretty good at describing the feeling. He's still there, but he's not there, in a way. BUT there are some treatments, understanding of the brain has increased dramatically in the past few years, so you want to bring him back as far from the brink as possible. It's hard to have to be the brains of the family when our hearts are hurting.

So, yes, get all your passwords etc. under control. Hide account numbers so he's not as exposed to scams. It's kind of like having teenagers--the internet is dangerous and you can't control everything he sees or gets a call about. But your money is critical.

Second: Neurologist (preceded by GP)

I have seen doctors' first step when witnessing confusion is to do a B12 test. As we age, we don't hang on to it as well. Getting that above normal can make a difference and set a slightly higher baseline. Another thing--sleep apnea. This can accelerate cognitive decline dramatically. A GP can handle both those things.

But the neurologist can open so many other windows of information. Everyone I know, everywhere they live in the U.S., calls and can only book an appointment in the far future, then be put on the waitlist. Make the call, get the appointment on the books, and then wait. While waiting: Document. See if you see new clear patterns emerging. This will help you when you get the neurologist's appointment. In a case very close to me, the thing that made the person go over the line was being overwhelmed. This person used to be able to juggle six things. When it came down to more than three turning into a giant mess? Scary. And then two? Uh-oh. Often manifested in trips to the grocery store! Yes! You never know what will come home. But whatever it is, keep track. It will all blur into one if you don't make notes.

Knowing what you're dealing with will help provide focus. When you're not sure and it could be everything or nothing, it gives that feeling of, "What's going to happen next?" That creates anxiety, hyper-vigilance, fatigue, and depression for you. If you have a clearer idea of specifics you can seek action. Some things can be treated; some can't. Knowing those two lists of factors gives a foundation. If it is the beginning of a degenerative disease, they vary. If it's mild cognitive impairment, there are new habits to add to his day that will help him not fall off track as much.

A neurologist will probably do imaging and a neuropsych test. With Medicare, if you have supplemental, there should be no out-of-pocket charges. If you don't have supplemental, I am not sure how Medicare handles it, but with their population it must be getting more and more routine.

With a neuropsych test you can see if there are specific areas showing deterioration, and it will prepare you better to work with those specific things. He may test as "above average" in a bunch of things, and then there's one little area that is really in trouble. If you initiate it now, it will give you a baseline as time passes. They tend to do them annually once they see cognitive decline. Neuropsychiatrists tend to listen to the spouse very well, and help provide survival skills through whatever lies ahead.

I wish you the best. Self-care is critical. It is so good that you have friends and a grandson who know what's going on. You and your husband have a strong connection at the soul level and that will not change. In a way, it's the most important thing. But the daily life is a trip and a half.