My life is about to majorly change (for the better, I think) [View all]

Around the summer of last year (25 June to be precise) I attempted suicide and was subsequently hospitalized for about 3.5 months in a VA psych ward. Since I was released my life hasn't gotten much better and my PTSD symptoms seemed to have stabilized and left me in a very bad state. I've attempted to return to work, but my performance pretty much sucks and everyone at work is scared of me. Apparently severe mental illness scares the crap out of people. So I've been urged by my employer to file for both SSDI and disability retirement from them as they believe that I'm unable to perform my job.

Anyways, today I was awarded 100% disability by the VA. I was given the caveat of being labelled "Total and Permanent Disabled". Basically that means that I'm open to a whole slew of benefits for my family (including financial compensation) and I'll never be re-evaluated or risk losing my benefits - and I'm 35 years old. So I have absolute income stability for the rest of my life. Not to gloat, but I'm totally going nuts right now.

Now I'm going to have to figure out what I want to do with myself. I have visions in my head of donating a lot of time to volunteering, but I'm not sure what would be appropriate for me. I have nothing wrong with my physically, I'm just cooked out in the head and have problems working in groups and loud places and following/remembering simple instructions.

Anyways, it's nice to have options in life. Again, I'm not trying to gloat too much, but I can't sit still right now and I feel like I have to tell anyone and everyone who'll listen. This is really exciting for me.