My wife is 40 yr old, obese, and has been diagnosed with diabetes, which she is ignoring. [View all]

Backstory: she was raised in a very poor household by a single Puerto Rican mother who showed love through food, especially fast food. Growing up, she was often food insecure, and never learned or cared about eating a balanced diet, as finances didn't allow such a thing. She was a latch key kid, her mom working two shitty jobs and leaving her home to fend for herself most days to live off ramen and bologna sandwiches. Her vice was Coke; up until 2 years ago she would drink a 2-liter a DAY.

In the past 15 years since we met, she has gained almost 100 lb on her 5'-2" frame. She has sleep apnea that causes such loud snoring we haven't slept in the same bed in years. My pleas with her to come to the gym with me, go for walks together, work in the garden or yard with me, or play sports with our daughter have largely fallen on deaf ears. She's content to go to work, come home, and lounge on the couch the rest of the day reading on her tablet. Her doctor warned her 3 years ago that she was pre-diabetic, which prompted her to give up Coke, but really nothing else.

3 months ago, her A1C was high enough for her doctor to finally tell her she has Type 2 diabetes. The first week she was gung-ho about getting healthy, at least in her words. She talked about getting a treadmill, eating healthier, and losing weight. Since I do 90% of the cooking, I told her to find recipes she liked and send them to me, because I'd gladly cook them for her. The past 10 years I've been working hard to become more fit myself, build muscle, and teach our daughter good eating habits, so I'm pretty comfortable cooking healthy meals. I even have an enormous vegetable garden and fruit orchard I planted (apples, plums, pears, peaches, and cherry trees) and can, freeze, store in the basement, and dehydrate every summer and fall for plenty of healthy food. I've even been reading frequently on the American Diabetes Association website and at the library for cooking ideas myself.

After about two weeks, that enthusiasm to change stopped though. She never got a treadmill, she never found any recipes for me to make, and she started eating junk food again. Her doctor HIGHLY recommended she see a dietician, but she hasn't. Our insurance doesn't cover it fully, and she's afraid to spend ANY money on another doctor's visit. The twist is, we're solidly middle class and it wouldn't hurt us financially. If anything, seeing a dietician will SAVE us money in the long run, because it will stop her from requiring insulin and testing supplies in the future.

She's fallen into this weird mindset that the ONLY way she'll beat this is to practically eliminate carbs of any type from her diet. So, she'll eat nothing but grilled chicken and string cheese for a few days, then give in to her carb cravings and inhale an entire bag of potato chips, a box of donuts or a massive amount of spaghetti, for example.

I'm at a loss on how to get through to her, because she becomes incredibly defensive and angry any time I try to bring up my concerns. Last night after she ate nothing but the pork chops I baked, ignoring the brown rice and vegetable sides, she tore into a big bag of BBQ chips. I pointed out, with a calm voice, how the chips weren't the best choice compared to the food I cooked, and she exploded, throwing them in the trash and storming out of the room. And frankly, the last thing I want to become is a spouse that nags to get results. She's a grown woman who should be able to take control of her own health, right?

I don't know if this post was more a way to just vent, or a plea for help. If anyone has suggestions for what I should do next, I'm more than willing to listen. Thanks.