I am in an emotional overload, and I dread the rest [View all]

I have had just about the worst weekend in 20 years, doing something that's supposed to be enjoyable, but because I am not "normal", and can't keep disappointment and frustration to myself I have allowed myself to be horrifically humiliated by my reaction to stress and frustration. I am still in the emotional overload point where I have been having some suicide ideation most of the day, but for now am just, blessedly numb. What I dread is when the damned OCD kicks in and I replay the humiliating events of the weekend over and over and over with running mental commentary about how I shouldn't be trying new things, as abnormal as I am, how I shouldn't be around good people, how I don't deserve anything in this world. Thank God I'm off work tomorrow. My poor husband, despite his own Bi-polar illness, can't comprehend my mental self-torment.