Mental Health Support

a few of my neighbors decided to pass the lock down by blowing things up. like, m100’s, night and day. that’s not fireworks, it’s felonies, but i could get no help shutting them down.
these ppl had been friends, esp in the 8 yrs since i had started my urban farm. but i ended up in such a war w them.
it broke my heart, and rly ruined this whole project for me. i’ve mended some fences, but i’m just ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing. i dread running into ppl, where it used to be ghe best part.

i’ve had money troubles since the plague, something i’m not used to. now anxiety gets me, sometimes in a panic, and sometimes just a low boil for hours.
like u i have a string of issues that i’m having trouble tackling. so i just try to do the thing that makes me feel the best about myself. i’ve been purging the junk in my house/life, and doing some big cleans in my house. it burns off the worry, wears me out, and i look around and think- see mo? you can still function. doesnt that floor look great?
having a dirty house has always been a big drag on my life. not so bad now my kids are gone, but it’s a thing in the back of my mind that someone would knock on my door, and i dont want to be embarrassed to let them in.

money stuff will be settled soon, and i’m trying not to think that that will fix everything cuz it wont. it wont change the fact that i’m 68, and this might be as good as it gets from now on. i’m working on pivoting to the next chapter, but i sure dont like it.

hang in there, baldy. got thoughts on where to go?