That even those "like us" in one way or another - will still judge us. Or that others will wander in and read what we've written with no understanding at all of mental health issues.
How many times have I started to write and deleted. How many times have I come in her wanting to write, but then leaving without writing a word. Too numerous to mention.
Sometimes I can't even explain it. Sometimes there's nothing to "explain" just wanting the pain to go away. And I don't know what to say to make that happen.
We have to stop being afraid of mental health issues. The Stigma attached. It is NOT a personal failing. It's usually a chemical issue, and/or result of trauma - sometimes severe trauma - over which we had no control. Those "other people" you know the ones who either are "okay" or THINK they're "okay" may want to blame us for not "just getting over it" or whatever tripe they want to spout. They don't know. They just don't know.
It's like trying to explain to all those white straight males why their slights and injuries have no relationship whatsover to the rampant prejudice and discrimination faced by non-white, non-straight, and/or non-males in society every single minute of every single day. They just don't get it.
Ooops - sorry - off on a rant.
i hate who I am. i try to change. I want to change. yet, i think some part of me is afraid to change - because THEN who'd I BE??
Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps me, sometimes it shames me.
As for my coworkers - they know about my anxiety and OCD issues - how could they not? But most don't know about my depressive episodes. Nor the PTSD symptoms. Nor a lot of the other little -isms. Nor my phsyical health issues. I want them to not be afraid of me. I want them to like me. And I'm afraid if they know, they'll shun me. Run away run away. . . Though I pretty much keep to myself anyway 'cause they pretty much think I'm just "weird'. I think they put it down to my being OLD. lol. I turned 56 yesterday. But everyone else is pretty much young enough to be my kid (if I'd started youngish). . .
Sometimes just reading what others have to say, about their own issues, their own journey, the advice they receive, is enough. Sometimes I, too, must reach out to others who have some possibility of understanding. The people around me? Not so much.
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