Addiction & Recovery

I've never worked the Steps, never had a sponsor, never followed all the rules. The support of the group, the camaraderie, the socializing, the advice -- these are important to me, both for having seen me through the initial few years of not drinking, and for sustaining me through the decades of sobriety.

The vast majority of my time has been spent with one meeting. These are my friends. And we've seen each other through life's joys and sorrows, and most of those I got sober with are now long dead. Yet I enjoy the company of the new men, offer what support and advice as I can (though I never sponsor -- wouldn't feel right, having never been in such a relationship, and more because no one's ever asked me), and I relish the variety of experiences I engage with among the diverse group who join our meeting.

Sobriety has given me most everything I have in life today. The meetings have given me what I detail above.

My brother quit drinking, attended a handful of meetings, found they were not for him, and never returned -- to the meetings or drink. My best friend quit as well, went to a few meetings but found them boring, and never went back -- to either meetings or drink. He loves an occasional near-beer (though he says who named it that was a terrible judge of distance). Both have been sober for just a few years less than I.

So there are all sorts of experiences. And paths. AA isn't the only direction. There are alternate ways to a clear mind.

Some people thrive in the meetings. They find the Steps enlightening, the camaraderie sustaining, and the advice they receive both pertinent and useful. Others can't stand what they perceive as the rigidity or the spiritual straightjacket. You have to find a situation which works for you. I've enjoyed the meeting I've attended all these years because it has always been very accommodating to different attitudes and beliefs, and because spirituality has always been treated as a highly personal matter, not something to use as a club against anyone to force them to accept a particular frame of mind.

You need to find what works for you and no one can dictate what that path may be. I wish you all the best. Quitting drinking was one of the hardest addictions I ever broke. Not the most difficult -- that was and remains smoking, which I quit January 5, 1986.

Best of good fortunes, libnnc. It is a difficult road you're on but it gets easier with time and the rewards are immeasurable.