LGBT

Thanks for asking, because too many people are hesitant to ask respectful questions. You can't learn if you don't ask. Unfortunately, the answer is one of those nuanced issues of "it depends", similar to the n-word.

I, a gay woman in my 70s, use the word "queer" to describe myself, but I came out in the 70s in New York City, so I have an urban political gay perspective. The gay community in that area, as in other metro urban areas of the time, was reclaiming words like queer, faggot, and dyke. We could use those terms, and close allies might also use them, but anyone outside the community using them might not be perceived in the best light.

Meanwhile, in other gay circles outside metro areas, those words are still considered insults by many gays. Now that I live far outside a metro area, I wouldn't use them myself even among other gay people until I had a sense of whether or not they were considered acceptable by the people I'm with.

So my recommendation to anyone who is not gay themselves, or deeply immersed in a gay community and known as a staunch ally, don't use those words. Gay is fine, use that.