The DU Lounge

when you are not there.

Arrange for friends to visit him.

You did the right thing. Neither of you would be safe with him at home.

After he's been there a while and gets used to things, you might see if outings are allowed. We used to take my dad to get ice cream down the street. If you fear he'd be combative, hire a caretaker to come along.

If that's not possible, do everything you can to make the space welcoming for him. Dementia patients often respond well to music. Find music that was popular when he was in high school and leave him a CD player with his favorite music.

Put photos up of family members, places he's been, etc. Make a scrapbook for nurses/caregivers with information about him, his life, his family, occupation, likes and dislikes.

I know how hard this is. We went through it with Mom in the midst of COVID (she fell and could no longer walk, and I live upstairs so we had no choice). At least now you can visit your husband as often as you wish. Bring him whatever might make him happy --big print books if he's lucid enough to enjoy them, magazines with lots of pictures.

It takes about 2 weeks usually for the anger/confusion/distress of being in a care facility to diminish, so be patient.

Be kind to yourself and do things you couldn't when caring for him--have lunch with a friend, go to a movie or shopping. Reach out to others you know who may be alone over the holidays.

Take care,