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relayerbob

(7,358 posts)

20. Yes, and you are doing the right thing

Tue Dec 23, 2025, 03:16 PM

Dec 23

for your safety, as well as his. Getting and losing one's mental capacities are terrible things. Hang in there!

Have a safe and as happy a holiday season as you can

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Wild blueberry pazzyanne

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Well, it's done. My husband is in a memory care facility. The first 24 hours [View all] Ziggysmom Dec 23 OP

Sweetie, you did the right thing. SheltieLover Dec 23 #1

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You cared for him out of love and you put him in the facility out of love. CousinIT Dec 23 #2

You're doing the best thing for you and your husband, even though he might not think so. Perhaps the SWBTATTReg Dec 23 #3

Some good advice re the memory care place. electric_blue68 Dec 23 #67

Hugs to you Duncanpup Dec 23 #4

This heartbreaking moment is truly an important accomplishment. enough Dec 23 #5

Had to send my Mom to a memory care facility because she had become too confused to live at home Ocelot II Dec 23 #6

Oh, my dear. I have no advice except to say please know you have done the right thing for him, Scrivener7 Dec 23 #7

You identified the key issue. You couldn't function anymore Raven123 Dec 23 #8

I worked in a short-term psych facility years ago TBF Dec 23 #9

Comfort and acceptance a nurse gave me Marthe48 Dec 23 #10

100% certain you are doing the right thing. Irish_Dem Dec 23 #11

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS OF SUPPORT! Ziggysmom Dec 23 #12

Good on him... CousinIT Dec 23 #70

I'm sorry you're going through this JoseBalow Dec 23 #13

No personal experience, but have you tried the Seniors forum? Wounded Bear Dec 23 #14

Everyone has said what I wanted to say! OldBaldy1701E Dec 23 #15

This message was self-deleted by its author Tetrachloride Dec 23 #16

Ziggysmom, please try to look at it this way... LuckyCharms Dec 23 #17

You are doing the right thing. murielm99 Dec 23 #18

One of the things this place is really good for: moral support. calimary Dec 23 #19

Yes, and you are doing the right thing relayerbob Dec 23 #20

Dear Ziggysmom Niagara Dec 23 #21

I can't offer any helpful advice; I read such posts with interest myself because every day brings me closer to the day eppur_se_muova Dec 23 #22

You cannot help him bluescribbler Dec 23 #23

You aren't a failure you just faced reality. Every Sat for ten years we drove an hour to visit my twodogsbarking Dec 23 #24

Love to you, Ziggysmom. littlemissmartypants Dec 23 #25

Please don't let the guilt take you Easterncedar Dec 23 #26

The other thing you should know: Irish_Dem Dec 23 #27

Irish_Dem is correct. TomSlick Dec 23 #65

Thanks Tom. I know you have seen this kind of situation go sideways fast Irish_Dem Dec 23 #68

Oh how my heart goes out to you Ziggysmom! You have been lovingly hoeing this tough tough row for so long and now this KitFox Dec 23 #28

Going through this with my mom right now. Botany Dec 23 #29

Hugs to you. sinkingfeeling Dec 23 #30

Please don't beat yourself up.. please! mountain grammy Dec 23 #31

You are not alone. JustinBulletin Dec 23 #32

You did the right thing. He will be angry for a while. Linda ladeewolf Dec 23 #33

Care giver or wife? Dear_Prudence Dec 23 #34

You did the right thing for yourself and most importantly, for your husband. MIButterfly Dec 23 #35

Safety first, for yourself and your husband. Much comfort to you both for the holidays and beyond 💚 Clouds Passing Dec 23 #36

First off, I'm so sorry Katcat Dec 23 #37

You did the right thing cate94 Dec 23 #38

All I can give you is this. mwmisses4289 Dec 23 #39

As SheltieLover said, you did the right thing irisblue Dec 23 #40

Take care, Ziggysmom otchmoson Dec 23 #41

Guilt comes with the territory xuplate Dec 23 #42

It's ok to give up the caretaker role and go back to being a spouse angrycaveman Dec 23 #43

It's so hard, but you hung in there until there was no other choice. tanyev Dec 23 #44

I can't imagine how you feel Sailingdiver Dec 23 #45

Time is the best and hardest method. Whatever you do, do not feel guilty. He is with trained and empathetic ... marble falls Dec 23 #46

Hugs to you, you did what was necessary for him ascwell as you. Srkdqltr Dec 23 #47

If Alzheimer's ... IbogaProject Dec 23 #48

Be gentle to yourself justsomeguy01 Dec 23 #49

My suggestion to you is visit him as much as you can. That's about the only thing you can do. Fil1957 Dec 23 #50

My heart goes out to you. Hope22 Dec 23 #51

When my dad started having aggressive confusion episodes KS Toronado Dec 23 #52

Your really had no choice, Tesha Dec 23 #53

Do not feel guilty ms.pamela Dec 23 #54

My mom and her sisters tried to keep my grandmother at home. HeartsCanHope Dec 23 #55

Are you able to visit him often, like several times a week? FakeNoose Dec 23 #56

See if the staff social worker or whomever has suggestions. 3Hotdogs Dec 23 #57

Hugs to you in making this life-altering decision stollen Dec 23 #58

Oh, my dear. I wish I could hug you. You did the right thing. Joinfortmill Dec 23 #59

You've done well and him a favor. Festivito Dec 23 #60

Hang in there. D00ver66 Dec 23 #61

My friend had to put her husband in a facility days before their 50th anninversary. TNNurse Dec 23 #62

You've received so much valuable affirmation here and there's badhair77 Dec 23 #63

I'm reading your message, and all the repliles, slightlv Dec 23 #64

Blessings to you on this difficult journey Richluu Dec 23 #66

For both your safety and his you had to do it, even with your understandable feelings... electric_blue68 Dec 23 #69

There is a book which might help lonely bird Dec 23 #71

Hugs! radical noodle Dec 23 #72

You're human GAJMac Dec 23 #73

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but you did the right thing. Trueblue Texan Dec 23 #74

you did the right thing, and chaos in the first 24 hours is to be expected Skittles Dec 23 #75

Oh, Ziggysmom, I'm so very sorry. hamsterjill Dec 23 #76

Bring some of his favorite foods for Christmas and leave some with staff to give him. Liberty Belle Dec 23 #77

You've done the right thing, for him more than yourself. Ilsa Dec 24 #78

Breathe Deeply, light a candle, put your feet up. Teacher of the Year Dec 24 #79

I have nothing to offer except respect for the fact that you handled it for five years and had the LoisB Dec 24 #80

Doing what is best for dear husband rather than what he or you may want takes the most love ❤️. MLAA Dec 24 #81

You have done the right thing. PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 24 #82

I have no words other than, my heart truly goes out to you Woodycall Dec 24 #83

NEVER doubt your decision WinstonSmith4740 Dec 24 #84

You have done the best for him. TygrBright Dec 24 #85

I'll be traveling down this road myself someday Omaha Steve Dec 24 #86

You need a really big hug malaise Dec 24 #87

Memory care maliaSmith Dec 24 #88