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CousinIT

(12,161 posts)

2. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You cared for him out of love and you put him in the facility out of love.

Tue Dec 23, 2025, 02:06 PM

Tuesday

Clearly, neither you nor he is safe with him at home anymore. You did what you had to. He may not understand that, but that doesn't make you a failure!

Please take care of yourself, too. And that means being kind to yourself. You did the best you could and no one can reasonably ask for more.

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Well, it's done. My husband is in a memory care facility. The first 24 hours [View all] Ziggysmom Tuesday OP

Sweetie, you did the right thing. SheltieLover Tuesday #1

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You cared for him out of love and you put him in the facility out of love. CousinIT Tuesday #2

You're doing the best thing for you and your husband, even though he might not think so. Perhaps the SWBTATTReg Tuesday #3

Some good advice re the memory care place. electric_blue68 Tuesday #67

Hugs to you Duncanpup Tuesday #4

This heartbreaking moment is truly an important accomplishment. enough Tuesday #5

Had to send my Mom to a memory care facility because she had become too confused to live at home Ocelot II Tuesday #6

Oh, my dear. I have no advice except to say please know you have done the right thing for him, Scrivener7 Tuesday #7

You identified the key issue. You couldn't function anymore Raven123 Tuesday #8

I worked in a short-term psych facility years ago TBF Tuesday #9

Comfort and acceptance a nurse gave me Marthe48 Tuesday #10

100% certain you are doing the right thing. Irish_Dem Tuesday #11

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS OF SUPPORT! Ziggysmom Tuesday #12

Good on him... CousinIT Tuesday #70

I'm sorry you're going through this JoseBalow Tuesday #13

No personal experience, but have you tried the Seniors forum? Wounded Bear Tuesday #14

Everyone has said what I wanted to say! OldBaldy1701E Tuesday #15

This message was self-deleted by its author Tetrachloride Tuesday #16

Ziggysmom, please try to look at it this way... LuckyCharms Tuesday #17

You are doing the right thing. murielm99 Tuesday #18

One of the things this place is really good for: moral support. calimary Tuesday #19

Yes, and you are doing the right thing relayerbob Tuesday #20

Dear Ziggysmom Niagara Tuesday #21

I can't offer any helpful advice; I read such posts with interest myself because every day brings me closer to the day eppur_se_muova Tuesday #22

You cannot help him bluescribbler Tuesday #23

You aren't a failure you just faced reality. Every Sat for ten years we drove an hour to visit my twodogsbarking Tuesday #24

Love to you, Ziggysmom. littlemissmartypants Tuesday #25

Please don't let the guilt take you Easterncedar Tuesday #26

The other thing you should know: Irish_Dem Tuesday #27

Irish_Dem is correct. TomSlick Tuesday #65

Thanks Tom. I know you have seen this kind of situation go sideways fast Irish_Dem Tuesday #68

Oh how my heart goes out to you Ziggysmom! You have been lovingly hoeing this tough tough row for so long and now this KitFox Tuesday #28

Going through this with my mom right now. Botany Tuesday #29

Hugs to you. sinkingfeeling Tuesday #30

Please don't beat yourself up.. please! mountain grammy Tuesday #31

You are not alone. JustinBulletin Tuesday #32

You did the right thing. He will be angry for a while. Linda ladeewolf Tuesday #33

Care giver or wife? Dear_Prudence Tuesday #34

You did the right thing for yourself and most importantly, for your husband. MIButterfly Tuesday #35

Safety first, for yourself and your husband. Much comfort to you both for the holidays and beyond 💚 Clouds Passing Tuesday #36

First off, I'm so sorry Katcat Tuesday #37

You did the right thing cate94 Tuesday #38

All I can give you is this. mwmisses4289 Tuesday #39

As SheltieLover said, you did the right thing irisblue Tuesday #40

Take care, Ziggysmom otchmoson Tuesday #41

Guilt comes with the territory xuplate Tuesday #42

It's ok to give up the caretaker role and go back to being a spouse angrycaveman Tuesday #43

It's so hard, but you hung in there until there was no other choice. tanyev Tuesday #44

I can't imagine how you feel Sailingdiver Tuesday #45

Time is the best and hardest method. Whatever you do, do not feel guilty. He is with trained and empathetic ... marble falls Tuesday #46

Hugs to you, you did what was necessary for him ascwell as you. Srkdqltr Tuesday #47

If Alzheimer's ... IbogaProject Tuesday #48

Be gentle to yourself justsomeguy01 Tuesday #49

My suggestion to you is visit him as much as you can. That's about the only thing you can do. Fil1957 Tuesday #50

My heart goes out to you. Hope22 Tuesday #51

When my dad started having aggressive confusion episodes KS Toronado Tuesday #52

Your really had no choice, Tesha Tuesday #53

Do not feel guilty ms.pamela Tuesday #54

My mom and her sisters tried to keep my grandmother at home. HeartsCanHope Tuesday #55

Are you able to visit him often, like several times a week? FakeNoose Tuesday #56

See if the staff social worker or whomever has suggestions. 3Hotdogs Tuesday #57

Hugs to you in making this life-altering decision stollen Tuesday #58

Oh, my dear. I wish I could hug you. You did the right thing. Joinfortmill Tuesday #59

You've done well and him a favor. Festivito Tuesday #60

Hang in there. D00ver66 Tuesday #61

My friend had to put her husband in a facility days before their 50th anninversary. TNNurse Tuesday #62

You've received so much valuable affirmation here and there's badhair77 Tuesday #63

I'm reading your message, and all the repliles, slightlv Tuesday #64

Blessings to you on this difficult journey Richluu Tuesday #66

For both your safety and his you had to do it, even with your understandable feelings... electric_blue68 Tuesday #69

There is a book which might help lonely bird Tuesday #71

Hugs! radical noodle Tuesday #72

You're human GAJMac Tuesday #73

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but you did the right thing. Trueblue Texan Tuesday #74

you did the right thing, and chaos in the first 24 hours is to be expected Skittles Tuesday #75

Oh, Ziggysmom, I'm so very sorry. hamsterjill Tuesday #76

Bring some of his favorite foods for Christmas and leave some with staff to give him. Liberty Belle Tuesday #77

You've done the right thing, for him more than yourself. Ilsa Yesterday #78

Breathe Deeply, light a candle, put your feet up. Teacher of the Year Yesterday #79

I have nothing to offer except respect for the fact that you handled it for five years and had the LoisB Yesterday #80

Doing what is best for dear husband rather than what he or you may want takes the most love ❤️. MLAA Yesterday #81

You have done the right thing. PoindexterOglethorpe Yesterday #82

I have no words other than, my heart truly goes out to you Woodycall 22 hrs ago #83

NEVER doubt your decision WinstonSmith4740 15 hrs ago #84

You have done the best for him. TygrBright 15 hrs ago #85

I'll be traveling down this road myself someday Omaha Steve 14 hrs ago #86

You need a really big hug malaise 13 hrs ago #87

Memory care maliaSmith 12 hrs ago #88