Top Ten "So Bad It's Good" Movies made since 1970 (this will be a feature of mine. I love bad movies) [View all]

This will be something I do or will try to do every week. A top ten list of things in pop culture. The list is subjective to my opinion, but feedback and entries you list could be used in future lists as long as the feedback is relatively polite. Now, on with the list.

I love bad movies more than good movies. There is nothing more entertaining like a bad movie. Bad movies are a train-wreck and a good one is a diamond in the rough. Especially when everything goes wrong. These movies are so bad, they are good. Only if a movie is boring, lame, and forgettable are they torture to watch. Good bad movies are none of these qualities. When judging these movies, as always, three rules apply:

A: No comedies. There are just so many ways to say “this isn’t funny.”
B: It must be a movie that isn’t self aware that it is a bad movie. It must be done with the conviction that all involved thought it was a great piece.
C: No direct-to-video, so Asylum or Steven Seagal movies. It had to see a theater, even if it showed only one time in a two seat theater in Frogballs, Arkansas.

For people my age, think of Mystery Science Theater 3000, which is probably my favorite show of all time.

Without further ado, here is my list of the Ten movies of the worst movies made since 1970.

HM: Birdemic: Shock and Terror - A really shitty Birds rip off with an environmental message that is as subtle as a brick in the face. This is so bad in so many ways, but it’s the memorable second half when it goes off the rails is just one laugh after another unintentional laugh. Just so you understand what I mean, watch it and remember three words: dive-bombing exploding birds.

10: The Apple - A musical about corporate control of life, government, and society, this was Cannon Films’ first attempt to enter the mainstream as its producer was one of the two people that led Cannon films. Terrible songs that rhyme “man” with “woman” (?), terrible choreography, and a deus ex machina endings to seal its fate. For those who don’t know Cannon films, look up Superman 4 and watch the dumpster fire from beginning to end.

09: Ricky Oh, The Story of Ricky - Ultra violent comic book of a movie with some of the worst dubbing, acting, action scenes (which are over-the-top graphic) that make no sense, and a plot that makes no appearance once in the movie. Pay attention to the video collection in the one eyed assistant warden’s office’s background. I’m sure, by the size of the boxes, you will think the same thing I did. BTW, for more fun, get the dubbed version over the subtitled version. As stated earlier, the dubbing is howlingly bad.

08: The Toxic Avenger - Truma Films is as bad as the Asylum and The Toxic Avenger is one of the worst (I chose this over Surf Nazis Must Die only because this one is more mainstream). Comedy that either doesn’t hit or is cringe worthy, over the top violence that was done by a blind four year old, and characters that are just indescribable. This is a major watch with friends over beer and riffing.

07: Hard Ticket To Hawaii - Andy Sedaris made a film series about a group known as the L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies, which are very talented women try to save the world in bikinis and showing off their huge assets, along with their model male friends who can’t keep their hands off the ladies (and visa versa). This train wreck includes the thinnest of plots, horrible acting, and a killer snake. But, for male version, the boobs per minute ratio is pretty high.

06: House of the Dead - Uwe Boll is the modern day Edward D. Wood, Jr. Both have no talent, no ability, and no clue. At least Wood, from all accounts, was a really awesome dude. Boll is a massive dick with a huge ego. I could go into the every problem with this piece of shit, but acid spraying zombies is all I need to say. Any movie based on a video game is likely going to suck.

05: Samurai Cop - Toss up between this and Killing, American Style, but this has to be the first of the two you watch. Every frame of this piece of shit is a masterpiece of how not to make a movie. The acting, overt racism, over the top violence, and Japanese mafia that doesn’t look Japanese, this flick has everything for a bad movie fan, especially the wigs. In fact, most movies with the legendary actor Robert Za Dar are so bad, it's good material.

04: Night of the Lepus - How NOT to make a monster movie about chemically and genetically altered animals! Every thing about this movie is wrong, especially the choice of monster and the acting that is so wooden and forced, it makes Willam Shatner seem Oscar worthy. Set in Arizona, this deals with ranchers dealing with the most dangerous threat mankind ever encountered. This is movie is such a travesty, you feel bad for the monster at the end when the people finally solve the problem. A list talent + C list director + F list script + Z list concept = shit on a shingle.

03: Troll 2 - I don’t know where to start with this piece of garbage. It is probably the worst movie made in years, but every word, scene, frame, and second is so bad it’s good material. It produced a meme (Oh My Goooooooooooooooooooooood!) and is pure entertainment from beginning to end. Note to how the kid stops his parents from eating scene, and how the kid stops the trolls from winning and what he uses.

02: The Room - Proof green screens are more important than scripts. This has been on many lists for the worst movie ever made and deservedly so. Important topics like having cancer are given passing comment, then never mentioned again, people are pretty much idiots in this movie, and all probably can be solved by throwing a football around. Oh, and chickens make a “cheep, cheep, cheep” sound according to the director, writer, producer, and star (all the same person). Aren’t vanity projects wonderful?

01: For Y’ur Height Only - The Philippines is not known for good movies, but this one is a classic. I mean CLASSIC. A blatant 007 rip off where the spy is three feet tall. So many dick punches. So many great bad movie moments. So many ways to riff this movie until you can’t stop laughing at the stupidity you watch. Shout out to how Weng Weng escapes a top story hotel room, comments about where he would be by the villains, how Weng Weng beat up people three times his size, and how he gets to secret island. Also, his nipples are HUGE!!!! This is pure can’t turn your ahead away ten car crash that is so perfectly made as crap that it is the #1 on this bad movie list thi time.

Addendum: I will revisit this list often as there are so many I didn’t list. The Man from Harlem being one, any Neil Breen movie, Exorcist 2, etc. So I will come back to this. . .remember, this is only since 1970 so please keep your comments for movies after 1970.