As 2025 comes to a close, my thoughts turn to mortality—specifically, Trump’s.

Given Metamucilini’s alarming mental and physical deterioration, I don’t think it’s premature to compile a bucket list for him. By “bucket list,” however, I don’t mean things he’d like to do. I mean things we’d like to see him do.

Obviously, undergoing a Nuremberg-style trial, getting convicted, and going to prison for the rest of his life would top the list. But what else should he do before he reunites with his BFF Jeffrey Epstein?

I polled TBR readers to determine which items should go on his bucket list. See how many you agree with, and add your own!
- Take a polygraph test
- Cognitive exam, televised live
- Recite the times table
- Spelling bee vs. 4th graders
- Jump rope
- Visit Mars
- Debate Jasmine Crockett
- Play Jeopardy against Barack Obama
- Push-up contest vs. Michelle Obama
- Wrestle J.B. Pritzker
- Bike race against Biden
…and since he’s so fond of renaming buildings, Trump should be forced to make this slight alteration: