Hell Hath No Fury.

It will probably be a big adjustment in your life. At least you gain a couple kitties?

Take a breath before you speak. That was one of the best pieces of advice someone gave me about dealing with my mother during the time I was caring for her. I had also had a very difficult relationship with her growing up, and so much of what she'd say in recent years triggered strong emotions or made me seriously question my own recollection of my childhood. It was so easy to react and speak without thinking, and the ensuing arguments never turned out well. But the more I learned to just listen and let her words percolate a little, the more I realized that she was often speaking out of fear and seeking assurance that I still loved her and -- seriously -- wouldn't abandon her. That was a genuine fear, I later found out.

In any case, that advice was given to me by someone who had also been in this situation. Unfortunately, I didn't seek out as much peer-support as I should have back then. Were I to again care for my mother, I would absolutely join a support group. I found this forum too late, but for the short overlap with my mother being with me, it was very helpful. Sometimes there's great advice, and sometimes there are just caring shoulders to cry on. Either way, always be willing to ask for help from others. It'll save your sanity.

Good luck! And be proud of yourself for being a kind and loving daughter. Good luck with the menopause, too. I'm there now and -- bleh.

Now that the stress of the move is over I have started to be able to "hear" what is behind some of her words. Lots and lots of fear and anxiety. Some of it I can address, but some of it is not mine to work on. Thankfully, I am in therapy and have reconnected with a high school friend and college friend who are in a very similar situation with their Moms -- having "comrades" in this effort has been good. Thank you for the kind works and advice! Hell

my father is also aphasic and cant remember the right words.. this is particular rough since he used to be a newspaper editor and has written 3 books. He also thinks he can still do stuff so he's impulsive. The only time I kinda lost it was when he was insisting he can still drive. I threw a dish towel at him and said if that had been a little kid he would have run over it. He just had this surprised look on his face. I went into the other room ( away from the full blast tv) and cried.

i've been doing it for 16 years. It's never easy, always rewarding, and challenging. you have to be patient with lots of empathy.

good luck.

...being suddenly thrust into a caregiving role for my 90 yr old mostly senile mostly deaf father when my mother was rushed to the hospital for pneumonia really tested me (I arrived here for an overnight stay in January) I know these are the days I will remember most with my parents but dad is homebound...my home is 75 miles away.. I see my hubby an afternoon a week when he runs groceries and (Tequila!) to me once a week...since I cant even leave the house to get food. I cant get back home til mom and dad are moved nearer us. I told hubby to just have my mail forwarded here

...I have a good relationship with my parents but its still tough. I can only imagine what its like for you. Stay in touch.. this is a good place to vent. And.. take care of yourself. If the caregiver isn't healthy then no one is.