My mom has it and is living with me and Mrs. Glam. I’m sooo here for you.

https://dhs.saccounty.gov/PRI/Pages/CMISP/GI-CMISP.aspx

You said you were in California, but I don't know what county. I read a little bit about indigent care in CA, and coverage seems to vary a lot according to which county you live in. I googled " indigent care California" and came up with a lot of possibilities. Maybe there's a state program, if your county doesn't have much coverage. But it sounds like you're going to have to get some charitable care. Doesn't sound like y'all can afford many doctor visits. You'll go broke fast paying out of pocket for those doctors. See about getting some care for people without resources. You don't want to become homeless. That's the most important thing!

You'd think Medicare X2 and the pricey Anthem Blue Cross they would help out but no, they do not.

I believe Anthem Blue Cross is over $1,000.00 a month and Medicare X2 is $340.00.

We are not broke but we sure are not rich.

Its called a Catch-22.

Not rich enough to pay $9K a month for a nursing home. We'd go broke real fast no doubt!

I am obtaining legal advice as I fortunately have legal insurance that I enrolled in just this past year.

I need to have the house in my name it seems.

This is really a load!

Thank you for you advice, I greatly appreciate it!

It is disgraceful what people have to deal with at the end stages of life. Those days should be as stress-free as possible. You've already done your part as a citizen and contributed as much as you should. But no, people have to be there to peck at you and grab all they can from you as you're walking out the door. It's sickening and it's perverse. Yes, I think legal help is what you need now. You'll have to make decisions to make sure you aren't robbed of the little bit you've accumulated as you pass on. I wish the best for you, and I hope you're able to pass from this life to the next with some dignity and some happiness as you reflect on your years together. God bless you.

I agree with you, it is a disgrace!

No one should be in this situation and it is pretty sad when two people do all they can in life to be independent and free from having to be owned by any institution.

I feel like some are just waiting for you to die so they can snatch up what little you may have.

Of course there must be another side to this.

I'm just not seeing it at the moment is the problem.

I have a horrific feeling of pending death soon. I don't know if it is me or him or someone else I have been around recently. This occurs with me periodically. I just wrote a friend about it in fact.

Right after I wrote him I found a tragic story about a local man that was living on the streets for the past 10 years that I'd seen many times. Seems he was murdered. I just saw him day before yesterday. Maybe that's the vibe I'm picking up, I do not know but is it very bothersome.

I don't know where all of this will end up going but I am wearing thin from all of it. I just finished cleaning house best I could and got the laundry done sort of. I failed to pick a few things up off of the floor that I did not see. It is almost midnight and I am exhausted. I really an extended rest of some sort.

I don't know how long I can last like this. Right now I can hear him screaming in the other room in his sleep, something he has done every since I've known him. What are these awful nightmares? I pray they will end for him and for me as well.

What a very sad world we are living in.

Thanks again for you very kind words. I appreciate them more than you'll ever know.

I ask God to step in and take control of this situation as I am quite powerless in my present condition.

How long can this go on? That's what I wonder, how long?

it sounds like you have your hands full right now, but I would look into getting some counseling, not just legal advice. I see ads all the time for free counseling services, and you probably have some free counseling near you. I have counseling/therapy every month, and it helps. A lot of the time, talking about your problems with someone in person can help you arrive at some solutions, and the solutions are often things that you come up with yourself as you talk. I know you'll have to find someone to look after your husband while you're gone, so it might be hard to do, but consider it. They might even come to you if you can't leave the house. But sharing your problems often helps, so see what you can work out. God help you get the help you need!

They give me the same list of providers every time. All of them have no availability.

It sucks. Where I am living we have a surge of people coming to to escape the areas affected by the fires.

Most are very rich people. They see a house for sale and are offering cash payments up to $100K over the asking price.

The house I live in I could sell and move but where would I go? I reached out to a 2nd cousin in TX and he didn't want to get involved.

Furthermore, the house I live in is very small and not worth a whole lot so I could never find a place to live for what I might be able to sell this house for. I cannot do that any way as I was advised to have his name taken off of the deed.

Oh what a huge mess I have on my hands.

One small step at a time is all I can do. I will call to reschedule the doctor's appt. He may have had COVID as he was coughing a lot up until just a few days ago. So, waiting a bit is not a bad idea, at least until I am certain that he is not sick. I have no symptoms of COVID myself but that does not mean I am home free.

I'll have to look into getting him tested before I can do anything.

That is what this premonition is all about. He may be far sicker than I had suspected.

But I have to hope that there are people in your life that will help you if you ask. Sometimes people just don’t want to be rude across boundaries I hope each other when we can, right?

I wonder if there is an any dementia support network in your area for others in similar situations. I wonder if it might not be a good idea to see if you can get a social worker?

I wish you lived in my neighborhood. I would be there. Easy to say, I know.

Hoping others can chime in with wisdom and good ideas that are practical useful. My grandfather died with dementia. Toughest thing. Aloha.

I have one tRUMPer sibling. Everyone else is dead. I'd never ask this person for anything! Never!

Husband is one of 10 children. The only one alive is in Ireland and she doesn't seem to care to get involved.'

Sad situation at best!

You'd think with all those relatives someone would help but they are a selfish lot I've learned over the years.

It all came down in the end. How many priests showed up for so-and-so's funeral. HOW MANY is how the value of a human being is all that seemed to matter. Disgraceful!

That retired home health care nurse might be looking for work or have his own liability as an EMPLOYEE in mind.

I have a law degree but am not a practicing lawyer, but I don't know of any law that requires a spouse to stay home 24/7 and penalizes them for doing necessary errands. There would be no point in your husband suing you, since your assets are shared. People get charged with neglect but that has to be something worse than someone falling while you're out getting groceries.

You have my sympathy. It does seem like your husband has enough awareness, at least at times, to get around things that he doesn't want to do, like the doctor's appointment. You really need to get a diagnosis before you can apply for most kinds of help.

The only suggestion I can offer that you haven't already gotten is that if your husband was in the military for certain wartime years, the VA will give him money for residential care (and you too, as his survivor, if that happened). My uncle qualified for the correct service in WWII and it's really helping out with the cost of my aunt's memory care.

This is the program: https://www.veteranaid.org/

There are specific "time of war" years. My dad, who was younger than my uncle, was in the navy but not at the right time to qualify.
----------------------------------------------------------
How Is Wartime Service Defined?
Congress defines the wartime dates that the VA uses to decide which veterans qualify for benefits like Aid and Attendance:
World War II: December 7, 1941 — December 31, 1946
Korean Conflict: June 27, 1950 — January 31, 1955
Vietnam Era: February 28, 1961 — May 7, 1975, for Veterans who served in the Republic of Vietnam during that period; otherwise August 5, 1964 — May 7, 1975
Gulf War: August 2, 1990, through a future date to be set by Presidential proclamation or law (for VA benefits purposes, this time of war is still in effect)

During this time he was in the reserves in the U.S. Army. He was supposed to get discharged 6 mos. prior to Aug. 1964 but his tour was extended until 20 Nov. 1964 he was in the reserves.

He enlisted a rec'd an honorable discharge on 20 Feb 1962.

He is an immigrant from Ireland and has a Green Card.

The box on the DD214 states he is a citizen of the USA but the VA is not honoring this. The box that says U.S. Citizen has the YES box checked. He has assumed he as being he had to serve an extended tour of duty.

He has no way to access some of the money we have that is in U.S. treasuries as it seems that if you are not a U.S. citizen you are not allowed to hold them.

This is a mess and I have contacted an immigration attorney.

eventually qualify for California aid even though you own your home. What California does is that it could put a lien on your house and recover the amount it provided during the probate process.

This link might help.

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-california/

BTW, the value of your house does not get included in the asset limit, likely because CA could put that lien on it.

Government programs and other kinds of assistance will often have a "look back" period of a few years when they examine your finances to see if you were depleting assets so that you'd be eligible for aid.

Last edited Thu Feb 10, 2022, 03:55 AM - Edit history (1)

would be risking penalties in any "gifting" of assets to potential heirs, such as real property, during the 5 years prior to applying.

Also, churches might have volunteers to help.

They can very quickly tell you which provider has the cheapest Medicare gap ins, to the penny.

They can contact Medicare for you, and get quick results.

And loads of other services.

And they are free.

I love mine!

It could be a disability program.

It has kept her afloat going over a decade and she has lived in three different California counties during this time.

I wish I knew more but help is out there. Ive seen it.

https://states.aarp.org/california/caregiver-resources

Here is one back ... make that a few ...

I will tell you now, if things are as bad as you say, you will not be able to keep him at home forever. We all have limits and our health and safety are a major factor in those limits. Even if money were no object, there would come a time when the best paid caregivers would not be able to take care of him at home. You should call your state's health and human services or adult protective services to find out your options. Don't wait.

Last edited Wed Feb 16, 2022, 03:28 PM - Edit history (1)

He's in the hospital. Will keep you posted.

This time around he broke a rib.



I'm looking into what few options I seem to have.

I'm finding I've been lied to for years. I sure wish I'd know as it was not necessary for me (or us) to be living in extreme poverty for so many years. Not that its a whole lot better now but god damn!

Why? Why?