I had my mother out of my life for a while. I was in two bands. I had a part time job that was two weeks away from being full time. I was talking to people and had friends for years. She came back in my life and next thing I knew, I lost it all through no action of my own.

My aunt talked me into letting her back in my life and letting her stay back in my life. I was miserable for the next 21 years of my life until my aunt died. I told my mother she no longer has a daughter and now things are picking up again.

My biggest problem is my mother is going around telling everyone I am paranoid schizophrenic, when that is not true. No psychologist or psychiatrist has ever diagnosed me with anything but mild depression. People still believe my mother over me because she is better at lying than I am at telling the truth. She will tell one person one thing, and less than a minute later tell another person the opposite and BOTH will believe her, come Hell or high water.

My other biggest problem is that I live in a small town. So, when I do get another job, I have to hope she stays away and doesn't get me fired from another job again by aggravating the boss again like last time. I was two weeks away from being put on full time, but my mother wanted to create some JR Ewing style Dallas drama out of it to move my best friend, at the time out of the picture altogether so only I would be there full time. The boss needed two of us full time at the time. He was talking about how he could stay open longer with me being more of the night owl type. It would have been perfect for all involved. Next thing I knew, my mother had fucked shit up so bad I had a stomach ulcer again and was throwing up blood and had no job at all any more, then my aunt lost her house not long after that, which meant I was homeless, again, too. I had already been homeless once when I came out as gay.

Telling my mother to fuck off this past November made lots of my troubles get better again and now I'm stable again. If she ends up back in my life again, it makes me look like a crazy person when really I just want my freedom and for the abuse to stop. I don't seem to have trouble that bad with even my worst enemies. Hell, even my worst enemies treat me better than my mother and stepfather, who is just her lapdog who has to ask permission to even go anywhere himself.

I despise abuse like that. It destroys lives and has left me at almost 50 years old, picking up the pieces trying to see what life I have left to live. It wasted my entire youth. I will never forgive my mother and stepfather for being such busybodies and abusers to me the way they were. It is probably not over either. Like I said, I live in a small town and news travels fast. Someone sees me working somewhere, and the next thing I know, I might lose that job even after spending however long (the other job, I had been there a year, working my way to full time, with no trouble, until my mother started busybodying and meddling) doing the job satisfactory for whoever the boss is.

I'm glad you posted the signs. I wish I had known decades ago about gaslighting, because that is what my family was doing to me and ruined most of my youth and most of my life. I gotta pick up the pieces now and move on the best I can, while they get off scot free for the abuse they did to me.

town in SW NM and remember those pressures. Doesn’t sound like you are in a position financially to relocate but when you are (and you will get there) relocating will liberate you and aside from shirking off the manipulative family you will feel so free

Gaslighting was one of his tools.

When I was about 35, one Saturday night, he called me and dared me to tell him how he had ruined my life. I immediately responded "How much time do you have?" I told him he'd better get a chair as it would take a while.

And so for about an hour, in chronological order, I listed in detail every incident including dialogue that he was beastly. Childhood into adolescence into adulthood. I must have cited more than 20 experiences.

He listened and denied remembering every single one. Not even arguing that I remembered incorrectly or I misinterpreted the events. Ronald Reagan tradition of "I don't remember that."

He was 75 and still cognizant. He remembered. And it infuriated me even more. The only "benefit" I had was I got to confront my abuser, but other than that, nothing was resolved and Dad revealed himself.

I've noticed that the many of the 'wingers I've encountered have grown fond of gaslighting.

I never said that. He never said that. That was taken out of context. That never happened. There was nothing racist/antisemitic/misogynist about that statement. Etc., etc., etc.....

I'm tired of letting people down</3
Be strong everybody.