History of Feminism
Related: About this forumI Only Cut My Hair Because I hate You
This is a reply to one of those obnoxious blog-articles going around where dudes are lamenting the fact that women wear their hair in ways they don't like. I won't be linking to those, because they're misogynistic.
And me? My decision to have short hair has nothing to do with latent masculinity, psychological damage, or a desire to scare the shit out of insecure little boys on the internet. (Though god if Id known short hair was going to make penises shrivel up and fall off with its mere existence, I would have shaved my head a decade ago.)
I cut my hair because its my hair, growing on my head, and I like it that way. And I really couldnt give less of a shit about outside objections.
Just a small uplifting article about owning the body you're in. I recommend reading it to the end.
http://katsudon.net/?p=2727
tblue
(16,350 posts)Makeup can be empowering. Or whatever you want to do to make you feel good about yourself, express yourself, or help you navigate shark-filled waters. It's all good. Everything is good, as long as you don't hurt anyone. And in special cases, that can be okay too.
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)It is perfect, because it really feels like that sometimes.
redqueen
(115,173 posts)cinnabonbon
(860 posts)I laughed at that, too.
redqueen
(115,173 posts)cinnabonbon
(860 posts)a lot of people subconsciously believe that women's lives should center around wanting to be noticed by guys, and they're disturbed when it's not the case.
MadrasT
(7,237 posts)About a group of male friends who were *shocked* when they went out for a night out on the town, and kept encountering groups of women who, according to them, were all dressed up fancy and made-up and yet did not seem to want to interact with men (i.e., did not respond to their pickup attempts).
I was like... "Um... just because women 'dress up' and put on make up does not mean that activity is happening because they want male attention."
This concept was apparently news to them.
They just couldn't process the idea of "fancied up women" who weren't responding to male attempts to connect.
I was like, "Yo, were y'all born YESTERDAY? HOW IS THIS NEWS? Maybe they were just having their own fun and were not out trolling for dudes?"
These guys are in their 40s/50s, they aren't kids.
redqueen
(115,173 posts)Nothing to do with you guys, sorry!
redqueen
(115,173 posts)Many do because they like it, but for some it's more out of a desire to fit in.
And to whatever degree they do, they may turn it up a notch on occasion, if they're trying to attract the attention of a particular guy.
But our decisions about what to wear, what styles to adopt, etc. in our day-to-day lives? Those decisions are about what we find most pleasant for ourselves. What random dudes think is never a consideration. I think guys get the idea from stupid magazines which are constantly publishing random page filling crap about what guys like, which basically has influenced no woman ever to adopt any style she doesn't like simply because boners.
Sweet Freedom
(4,008 posts)I've encountered too many guys who think just because they want to sleep with me, it's automatic that I want the same thing. And if I say no, then I "don't know what I'm missing" and if I still say no, I must be a bitch or a lesbian.
redqueen
(115,173 posts)I'd think most guys would know women aren't going to sleep with them just because the guy expresses an interest.
Sweet Freedom
(4,008 posts)It seems to be a prevalent mentality here.
redqueen
(115,173 posts)I've definitely had the misfortune of running into a few like that, but rarely in a one-on-one situation. Thankfully.
I guess since I've pretty much always been the one to make the first moves, I tend to avoid that situation.
all american girl
(1,788 posts)I turned to him and told him that if he washed my hair, dried it, styled it, and fixed it throughout the day (it was the 80's) I would grow it back out. If not, then just shut up....never mentioned it again
I have a wonderful husband who loves my short hair. My 15 year old daughter cut all her hair off last year, she just loves it.
Boys are just weird!!!!
redqueen
(115,173 posts)I thought when I started reading your post that you were gonna tell him to grow his own hair out then.
MadrasT
(7,237 posts)It is amazing to me when I meet men who seem to think that every decision a woman makes is either to a) attract males or b) repel males, with the ultimate goal being c) find the right male to impregnate and then support her so she can fulfill her deepest biologically programmed mission in life (which is make babies and be a mother, according to them).
Seems to me like a lot of women make all kinds of decisions without considering what males think at all. Even heterosexual women.
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)Here's a woman that simply does not care to impress men in order to get sex from them. It must be really freaky to them.
MadrasT
(7,237 posts)I try to find out why and get answers like "well they are so hostile toward men".
In other words... they aren't potential fucktargets so they are useless.
Or more kindly, they don't simper and pander to men, so they write them off as being horrible people.
It makes my head explode. These guys think they are "progressives".
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)this isn't a natural thought--that because person x is doing something I don't find particularly appealing, etc etc etc.
society trains people to think like that
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)When people think like that, all I hear is "entitlement", and I know people aren't born with that. Not with an entitlement to other people's bodies and attention.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)until I was 23. See I underwent an experimental pancreas transplant (I've been a type 1 diabetic since I was 3) and it went very, very wrong. Because of the anti-rejection meds I had to take to keep my body from attacking the donor organ, I ended up developing lymphoma. I lost most of my hair and damn near died. I'm 5'8 and I got down to 100 lbs. There are probably still some old posts of mine about it (before the cancer), under a very similar username. I had to get a new id because I went blind for awhile after that happened and by the time I got enough vision back to read again, I had forgotten my old password. I'm still completely blind in one eye and my vision is still a little blurry in the other. I'll probably never be able to drive again.
It will be 5 years this March 18 since that whole ordeal first started, and I'm still recovering. But hey, at least my hair is long again!
So, to all the idiots who have a problem with short hair: BITE ME! You have no idea why someone has short hair and besides, it is none of your goddamn business!
Umm, sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)that you're still here! And thanks for sharing that powerful story. Illness is a seriously scary thing, and living so closely with it really makes you appreciate the little things.
I love this.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)It wasn't to hard to go thru, the pain killers made sure of that, lol.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)I saw the same blog post in the men's group. I'll have to go read it later. Yeah,yeah I read some of their posts, but I would never post there myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so because that's like their own space. No idea what their actual posting policy is though.
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)in the men's group start to read feminist blogs and think about what is discussed there. And I did link a guy to the blog because he wanted to know why some women wear red lipstick, so maybe someone saw it there.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)cinnabonbon
(860 posts)Maybe they should go read the original articles that describes "short haired women are damaged" etc, so they'll understand why this article is written the way it is. It is important to understand context.
redqueen
(115,173 posts)then they might have to admit that there's no such thing as female privilege, that women are actually oppressed by society solely on the basis of their sex and that men are not, etc.
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)when my POS husband came home and saw it he started to pack his bags (he later changed his mind). said "i told you to wear your hair long and off your face and now you have it short and on your face". about 6 months later we separated. for 6 years he tried to tell me how to dress, how to wear my hair, etc. by the time we signed our separation papers a month after separating i had cut my hair even shorter -- bleached it up blonde and lost 5 lbs. he said "you think you look good -- you look awful". i laughed.
we also disagreed on how i dressed our son. i bought him cute stylish clothes and kept his hair on the long side. after we divorced we had many disagreements on how to raise our son too.
i was married to my second husband for almost 41 years until he passed almost 2 years ago. he was completely different from my 1st husband.
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)blonde, short hair looks awesome. Clearly he has no taste. You were lucky that you got away from him early - staying with someone like that has a tendency to destroy your spirit.
As for the way you raise your son, I don't understand why some men are so against things like cute clothes and long hair. Doesn't it matter more if the boy likes to wear it that way? It's his body, after all.
I'm so glad to hear that your second husband was better. 41 years! That is impressive. I'm so very sorry he passed away.
HockeyMom
(14,337 posts)Back then I lived in the area and cut my long brown hair because they said the killer was targeting women with that. I am very small and my (male) neighbor said I looked like a 12 year old boy with my short hair. lol PRECISELY!
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)he was a creepy creepy fellow. If I had lived where you lived I would have cut my hair too, and no guy would have gotten me to change my mind.