Not much to do. I am back in Missouri with family that I have VERY iffy relations with. All I can do is pay them the $310 (going plus if not careful) so I can get out of here. I need to get back to Tucson. I love that town, it fits me in a way.

through all this upheaval, LFR.

Time will unfold why this happened and what your path will be. From experience I know what we need in times like these is strength and patience. Which I'm sure you know.. it's just good to be reminded.

Tucson is where you want to be so that's your immediate goal. You will return just like your sig line.

There will be silver linings.. we just have to wait for them. I know.. bor-ing!

So sorry that you have had to deal with this pain.

My thoughts are with you.

sheshe

It just hurts so bad! He is my everything, my right hand, my heart. Now he's gone! Why did that monster come into our lives! even find

He even has all calls from 417 area code blocked on his phone as well as my number! I can't even find out if he is OK! I don't trust that monster!

You have gotten divorced. It does not matter that you were not legally married. A ten year relationship is a long one, as long as lots of marriages. On the up side, you're not having to go through all the legal hassles of a divorce. On the down side, you don't have the protections of having been legally married.

Do NOT take that as a judgement. You were in a relationship. For whatever reasons you didn't go through the legal stuff of marriage. The emotional stuff is still there, and that's what I (and others here) are addressing.

You need to understand that you have to move on. It's very hard. Really. Very hard. Did I mention that it's hard?

You have every bit -- maybe more -- of the emotional work of someone who was conventionally married. Only you don't have the societal and legal support.

Give yourself the time to grieve. To be angry. To have regrets. And then, pick yourself up and work on starting over, of establishing your own life anew. I'm not going to give you a timeline, but I am going to point out that it's realistic to start moving on meaningfully after a year or so. If you happen to need more time, that's okay. But if three or five years have passed and you're still stuck emotionally, consider getting professional help.

Moving on is not easy. I've now been divorced for five years. My ex left me for another woman, and there are some aspects of that I'm still not completely over. The important thing is that I've established a new life for myself. I chose to move 800 miles away to a new city, and while it hasn't been completely smooth, it's been good. I have a new life.

It's my firm belief that everyone can have a new life. The details will differ from person to person, but it's completely possible.

Let yourself hurt. Let yourself wallow in this as you need. Personally, I found that a bottle of wine many nights was quite useful. Do what works for you. Eventually the strongest emotions will fade, and you'll move on in our own way.

Much love and support.
SheilaT

And here is one thing I must warn you about: it will hurt for a very long time--and depending on your personality (if it is like mine) you may have to deal with the conclusion that if it was "true love" you will never completely recover.

Without drawing any conclusions about your relationship let me say that if you do not have kids involved be grateful--that is what has kept my ex-wife and I tangled together even when I desperately needed to get away.

My ex wife left me after a 24 year marriage. We lived in Houston during all that time and I continued to stay there for 3 more years after the divorce. Unfortunately we would have sex every 4 to 6 to whatever months apart and I realize now that it happened when she got horny (and apparently for no other reason). I also realized gradually that it was harming me a lot more than her because in reality I was always hoping that somehow this meant she would be wanting me back or I was hoping that one "magical" night together would bring us back together.

Eventually I simply had to leave Houston to really begin to heal--perhaps the only thing that will help you get over your SO will be to physically put as much distance between you and that person. Now I have come to accept that there is a certain place deep inside however that will always be tender and somewhat bruised.

Good luck and although I'm not going to tell you to abstain I would say be very cautious of the booze and other drugs until you are a lot farther down the road toward healing!