the gut check hmmmm losing a spouse sucks.... somehow we go on ...we here, love you!!!

Doesn't feel like christmas here either, and not for the same reasons at all. It's just one of those times when the thrill is gone.

I can relate to your younger experience with your dad, very close to my early life. Don't know why I survived. That's where I got my PTSD. It's a long trail but we have to tread on it until we get to the end of it. I figure I'll find out why I came here when it's time to leave, like a debriefing.

I am so deeply saddened to learn you are suffering so terribly.

I hate this time of year because the Hallmark holidays set us all up for dissppointment.

I hope your pain eases and you are able to smile at the memories of you & your wife enjoying life together.

We will all get through this together, Dunc. We do it every year, right? Like Motel 6: the light is always on here.

Duncanpup,
Thank you for sharing your story. We all grieve in our own way and we look for a path forward to feel better. I hope you know that your story helps others. I’m glad you found a therapist that you like. I hope that each day you can find yourself getting closer to feeling straight again.

..Im a retired Mental Health Counselor and men present depression differently than women do. Many times with men its anger, rage and alcohol..with women its kept inside.... Im not sure which is more unhealthy. Im sure your counselors talked to you about this as well.
Most my clients were victims of sexual abuse. If they were unable to face their abuser i would have them write a letter saying everything they wanted to say. Then we would burn it together.

Im so sorry youre going through this...it was so damned preventable.

(((hugs)))

Grief can be so overwhelming. It is for me, this time of year
In August of 1988 my husband and I moved to St Joseph, MO from Los Angeles with our almost 2 year old son. I could not understand why people in St. Joe had bumper stickers that said, "Shit happens". So?
Not long after we arrived, I discovered I was pregnant. Then one day I was fairly certain I had miscarried. I had not even found an OB. I had to get a name and went and sat in the office, waiting to be called. And waited, and waited. Long story short, it appeared I may have lost a twin, but was still pregnant. This was determined after multiple blood tests and what appeared to be screwups from their lab. I found a new OB. Christmas came and went. I was hopeful. In January 1989, our daughter was stillborn just shy of viability.
I am convinced there is no rhyme or reason to what happens. Shit happens, indeed. Christmas season has never been the same for me. Hope for new life? Look how it turns out.
And yet I still enjoy the music, the light, the yearning for the message of peace and love. We are a fucked up species, we humans. Grief from loss comes in waves. Anger overwhelms me sometimes at the stupidity, callousness, and hypocrisy of some people that I just want to go away somewhere and never have to deal with other people again.
So, one day at a time I look for the beauty or the opportunity to give. Sometimes it's just a sunrise or sunset. Last night I saw the moon rising through the window while watching a football game. I got up, went outside for a minute, and enjoyed the moment.
I wish you peace, Duncanpup.

I’m blown away by your honesty and willingness to share. You make all of us more human, more compassionate.

Can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss and the deep, profound grief that you are swimming in. Very glad you’re getting secular therapy and are able to cry and to express your pain so starkly. Better outward than inward. Also, as someone with a mom who was an alcoholic, I KNOW the strength you have shown to stay out of that trap. Amazing.

Of course I didn’t know your wife, but I can tell you without a doubt she has forgiven you and wishes only for your true peace and true happiness.

You two had something very special and rare.

Be as good to yourself as you can. Let those “therapy dogs” lift you up.

May you be well.

You are one of our DU National Treasures. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sending healing vibes your way, may all your hard work with the therapist pay off until you find yourself on the same star with your dearest wife.

What a journey you have had. You are a caring soul and love your family deeply. To me that is a life win. Everything else is gravy. Be easy with yourself! Love and hugs to you and Dunc!💗💗💗

Hugs.

eyes wide open. I hope the kids are coping. My stepchildren lost their mother. Her death really screwed their minds up and they spent about twenty years making everyone else as unhappy as they were, punishing everyone for life's unfairness. I wonder if there's anyone on earth who's not the walking wounded.

You say so much in your writings. You are so genuine and heartfelt, this one made me cry.

I’ve lost a lot of people in my life but not a spouse. That is a pain I can’t imagine. Grief is a tough emotion and it is proportional to the amount of love you felt. You loved her greatly.

One of my brothers died as a result of AIDs. It was a direct result of the inaction of the Reagan administration. Like Covid, it could have and should have been addressed. Don’t even get me started on the hypocrisy of evangelical bullshit. Having someone say “he deserved to die” at the funeral luncheon, after home, had me charged up like the lightening bolt that hit my mom’s house that night.

The things you say about Jesus and Christian s ring true. I think they got a lot of that shit wrong. The things Jesus said were true, I think, but I think the religionists missed the point. That said, I think your wife knows. I think she knows your love and amends.

As for hell, I’m sorry man but you’ve been living that now. Forgive yourself my friend, and know you are loved. You are loved in this world and the next.

It's hurting no one, but you. You must forgive and you will feel a whole lot lighter.

Remember the lovely times you had. You are, by far, one of the lucky ones, to have had so many years with such a beautiful partner. And sooo many wonderful memories. Liz wants you to feel good, to keep telling your stories, to keep loving your son's and furry friends.

I am thankful we have you on du to keep us laughing, normally, and looking forward to your next post. We love you. Hang in there. You can't see her, but Liz is right by your side every time you think of her.

"Merry Christmas, Dunc" from an Army wife. Go Airborne. Lived on Ft Benning and Fayetteville, right outside of Bragg, so I relate to you a lot. My husband was a DI, too lol. 🎄❄️☃️☕♥️

Osut infatry A-10-2 I hit benning infantry Dril Sgt finest NCO army has
Then I went across post jump
School then OSUT was 14 weeks I volunteered my friend and after jump I caught orders pathfinder course I did not volunteer pathfinder I just caught orders after airborne school

Tell you
When
I hit division 2/325 IM telling
My platoon Sgt I should be in pathfinder company that fine SFC ROARED LAUGHTER 1984 Welcome to white falcons Airborne

My most proud award was my E.I.B. and my NCO’s in eighty deuce made sure we were ready to attempt expert infantry program

I’m old now friend 58 yet I still rage over murder of my wife I would go total revenge if I could to get paybacks for her rage anger is all I have now not day goes by I want read trump’s obituary

I swore oath to constitution as all
Of us upon enlist to defend against all enemies foreign and domestic as all vets

I so wanna see Scott Perry Mike Flynn Doug mastriaino court martial in military prison barracks

I’d love to just see Trump suffer in death I’d love to see him in pain dying and fear

I loved my wife I can’t lose rage anger over her murder I’d disrespect her in doing so

My wife would say let it go the hate the anger I can’t let it go no drama friend

Hugs to you and hubs