It's hard, I know.

But a door opens sometimes when you thought it was closed.

Death, especially a young, unexpected death, usually shakes everyone to the core. It open eyes. It opens perspective.

caring". It is direct, civil, if they care it is nice to acknowledge their thoughts and if they don't care, sarcastic.

I will reread these before I go out tomorrow.

When he's had enough, you get to have had enough too. If he keeps his cool, you gotta grin and bear it.

Meanwhile, every time you want to smack someone, crunch an ice cube. Your teeth may hurt by the end of the event, but your knuckles won't.

Also, it may help to remember that if you haven't seen these people in years, you probably won't have to again for even more years. One night? You got this.

Maybe you don't yet know who that is, but that person will be there.

It will be good for husband to see and be with his sister, whom he may not have the opportunity to be with for many years after this get-together.
Family does matter, even though family members are all different.

Put on a vague smile, and keep lips zipped except for niceties.
You can do it.

My youngest daughter, 31, emailed me and said, "When you find out what they really want, let me know."

I was very noncommittal and nonjudgemental in my email to her, but that was her conclusion.

I am sorry we all have to be so cynical about family.

My personal feeling is - try to keep it as civil as possible.
Not much to be gained making others, especially the innocent, uncomfortable,

And then there's fewer words to have to eat or regret in the future.

Hope it went well and that you enjoyed your dinner.

I worry too much about everything.

And laugh about it later.

it will be via p.m. I left feeling okay. My SIL came up to us later, and made us feel like villains. They were given so much more, materially and in terms of love and attention. She made me feel small, and that is not right. Maybe some of that is due to my own family's dysfunction, maybe not.

I will speak to my adult children first.

it was okay, until she came up after dinner, outside, and started assigning blame.

So, tell me about your boat?

What kind of boat is it?

Etc.

Not that I give a rats about his dang boat. But I got through a visit with my auntie, whom I love, without taking any of his many baits.

My biggie was to learn to let his baiting statements land with a silent thud, even when addressed directly to me as a question.

Do you race it?

Good luck!

Along with I'd like to see this boat for myself.

Of course after my dad's boat misadventures no one in my family is particularly anxious to buy a boat now.

More time with him, especially when I can't get away, would not be a good plan.

What happened with you Dad?

It turned out to be a giant money pit. Mom was not too happy when he got it. He put a lot of work into it but it still barely stayed afloat even after he tried to fix it up. He eventually was able to sell it off.

shared with me a while back...a hole in the water where you put money. But fun!