I have some experience in this

He did not have a service connected condition. As far as I know, he never went to a VA medical facility.

Have your Dads service records, discharge paperwork, and ssn. Be forwarned, the VA moves slow

My brother (a retired Reg Leg) and SiL are obviously smarter than I and are shot-in-the-tail to throw Mom's money at these guys. My brother got pissed because I asked for time to do some internet research.

It's simply not worth the fight. I will content myself with the coming "told ya so."

Come out of the wood work. Be careful.

She now has the situation well in hand. Good thing she's so smart..

If so, they might have advocates that can help or at least provide you with information.

Your mother is definitely eligible for the Aid and Attendance pension benefit (https://www.veteransaidbenefit.org/aid_and_attendance_pension_benefit.htm). You do need to go through a fairly detailed application process than includes getting doctor's signatures on her need for custodial care. You will also need to document all her income and expenses and organize it in a way that a potential reviewer can wade through all the paperwork (table of contents or index).

There are some people who prepare these VA applications professionally for survivors or veterans. But, you can do it yourself with a bit of due diligence and careful preparation. I did it for my mother who was in assisted living facility and later moved to a nursing home. It was incredibly helpful and paid on par what she received from the Social Security Administration.

I had absolutely no idea I was eligible, and it turns out that I am both on my own and through my late husband. I hope not to need it, but it's nice to know it's there.

You need to get in touch with a Veteran Service Organization(VSO) in your county. Some States like California provide it for free. The American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) do provide VSO's.
If any one asks you for money then walk away and contact a VSO. They have saved me twice in the VA bureaucracy.

Good Luck.

It's going to take a long time but I think that would be the case in any event.

No private company contractor can move anything faster than any single individual. As a matter of fact, even if they “only” charge half up front, they still have half with no fiscal motivation to do anything. When anyone blathers about privatizing, read the fine print. I personally think you done good.