I'm finally coming to the conclusion, or accepting that my mother is bipolar and I have been

affected by it my whole life. I have a worse case than her and her mother had a worse case than both of us, (although she refused to be treated so who knows). But my contentious relationship with my mother I always blamed on myself and now I am thinking about not doing that so much anymore.

She can be so mean and she can yell and talk over you and she won't listen to a word you have to say. She lost a family business, (an apartment complex) because she did not have flood insurance on it when Sandy hit. She says it is an act of God. I say it is bad management. But I do not throw it up in her face although this place was supposed to be in a trust for me and my brother and especially for me since I have been on disability because of my bipolar for years.

So anyway she lists the land with a realtor and 2 weeks later gets a private bid for literally 57% of the asking price and she accepts it. So I fucking freak out. She just says she wants to be rid of it. She wants to "retire", (as if it is that much work anyway, I managed the place for 10 years, it is not that much work).

So anyway no matter what I say it doesn't matter. She listens to nothing. So I wait until she is in church, (she is down in FL now because she spends her winters here.....yet she must retire from the job that she doesn't do 9 months out of the year), and I go into her house and take all the papers so she can't go through with it.

So of course she comes over to my house screaming and then she calls the fucking cops on me! I had previously told her if she was going to continue to scream like that then she had to get out of my house so I heard her saying she was going to call the cops so I just shut my shades and locked the doors and didn't answer. This I don't know how I will ever forgive her for. I just want her to listen to me!!!!!

So now it is Christmas and I have spent the whole day alone. I could have gone to this clubhouse I go to for breakfast but I didn't feel like it. I have been crying on and off all day. I read online one specialist say that a diagnosis of bipolar comes when you have one manic episode. Well she has admitted to one episode, when she was in NJ when I wasn't around she told me she got manic. I remember she was not sleeping and she had a fight with someone working at the apartments. That's all I know. I'm sure there is more to the story.

So yes I am crazy but my mother is crazy too. And damn it I am tired of taking the blame for fucking everything. I am tired of being the only black sheep in a family of black sheep!

What the Hell do I do now?