Still not looking forward to Christmas Eve but I'm pushing forward.

I know the kids are excited, especially because their dad is joining us. My brother in law and I parted ways when the woman he took up with (his former girlfriend), shortly after my sister's death, turned out to be incredibly controlling and toxic. After she cut me to the core of my soul at my niece's wedding, I refused to attend any gathering that included her. She managed to estrange him from his kids. He finally woke up to her agenda and they have parted ways, after about 9 years. I am having some anxiety about actually socializing with him, again, but my niece assures me he is back to his old self. I hope so. We used to be so close but I have discovered he tends to mirror the personality of the woman he's seeing. Hopefully, if he finds someone else, she's a kind woman.

I know I'm not alone in feeling that it's just so hard to feel celebratory about anything, right now. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my therapist so that's good timing. I always feel better after talking with him. My last appointment was before Nov 5 but he did call to check if I was OK. I wasn't but really appreciated the call.

My plan is to lose myself in cooking, on Tuesday. I have some nice wine to sip while I work and will probably pull out the old CD player and pop in some Beatles CDs.

I'm staying home on Christmas Day. I know I'll get push back on that decision but I'm holding fast to it. I will be checking this forum, that's for sure.