and afflicts people of all ages and is a major contributor to climate crisis.

If someone has 20 years of toilet paper, they actually will save money long term and won’t hurt the environment anymore than a person who drives to the store every week to buy toilet paper.

Everything is saved but the things without value become the things in the money. The things you thought were worth something are just garbage. It is really about scarcity.

She had always been a collector of antiques, books and other items, but as she aged and dementia took over, she became a hoarder.

It was very difficult for us family members who were trying to care for her. It didn't help that her sister - also a hoarder - would send her stuff through the mail and take her to flea markets.

Finally, her dementia reached a point where I had to take over her finances and she had to move to assisted living. This turned off most of the new acquisitions (except boxes from her sister, which I had delivered to my house so I could separate useful things from junk before taking it over to mom), but hoarding includes other habits, like hiding soiled clothes, not bathing, etc. She would hide her phone and forget where it was, etc.

It was a nightmare.

and had to fit anything I wanted to keep in my car.

My daughter won't thank me but this just made her burden when I kick the bucket much easier.

I hope that's changed.

Things take the place of ppl

and our house is deeply filled with stuff as a consequence. I have basically raised the white flag and given up reasoning with her. The entire downstairs of our two story except for a small space for my food prep is filled. Our bedroom is also filled with stuff as well as much of my daughter's room (she has her own place but sleeps at home most of the time - another issue).

I do have my own hoarding issues when it comes to books. It has been several years since I have gotten any physical books except those related to my profession, but I do have a difficult time parting with them.

She collects cards, notes, and newspapers. She can't get rid of anything without serious personal reflection on every item. She continues to purchase cards which she doesn't use. She refuses to put in any effort to actually organize it. Every surface (table and floor) is covered.

Tried couple's therapy and that was a disaster. She has other personal demons that she discussed when she met with a therapist one on one last year (a childhood trauma).

My approach has been loving acceptance and just trying to accommodate. Not sure what happens when the paths in the home eventually close up.

until insurance wouldn’t pay for any more sessions. He reverted to his old ways very quickly after the sessions ended.

Thinking back on the arguments we had about his hoarding, I can only imagine how horribly couple counseling went for you all.

Sending you love.

We had several frank discussions about it because it drove me nuts. Some of our biggest arguments were about his hoarding (and gun control. ugh). The tall piles of stuff made me extremely anxious. They made him feel safe. He was literally building walls of junk around himself and the outside world. Eventually, we split the house up into his rooms, where he could hoard and stack and pile to his heart’s content, and my rooms. And, eventually, his stuff spilled over into my rooms. And the kitchen. And everywhere.

In desperation, I researched hoarding and discovered it can be tied to PTSD, which I had long suspected he suffered from, along with severe ADHD. He went to a counselor with a PTSD specialty and it was working! I was seeing a difference in his moods and general demeanor, and he wasn’t bringing new stuff into the house several times a week. We even threw out a few garbage bags of trash which was a HUGE deal.

His Medicaid only paid for 12 sessions. Everything reverted back to how it was after the appointments ended.
I have no doubt long term PTSD therapy would have ‘cured’ his need to hoard, as well as helped with many other issues.

He ended up in federal prison on drug charges and it took me 4 months to sort, clean, and pack up that house so I could move. I had to open every single box we had been dragging around from house to house for a decade, and look at every single item to determine what to do with it. Some boxes were just full of trash. Like, literal trash. Paid around $700 in fees and wages to have the handyman haul stuff to the dump. Unbeknownst to me, ex had been renting the detached garage behind the house. It was full– there was even a truck in there I had no idea about. I also found years-old evidence in those boxes that he had been using again long before I realized it. He was successful in hiding it from me until that last year or so. I hate thinking of anyone in jail, but it likely saved his life.

It’s a serious, unhealthy issue that negatively effects everyone around the hoarder. I’m glad it’s on the Commission’s radar. I have a feeling the solution is identifying sufferers and getting them proper psychological treatment… but we all know how unlikely that is with the current, sad state of health insurance.

My hording examples are mainly most of my family hating to throw away anything that a parent or grandparent had owned or gifted to us. And books. Books and CDs.

I'm glad that you have lessened your physical burden but the psychological one is harder to deal with. Good luck!!!

I haven’t spoken to him since 2019. He is a nice guy, would literally give anyone in need the shirt off his back, but our relationship was a toxic, drug-addled, codependent mess. I’ve recently come to understand that he was abusive and we were trauma bonded. I still can’t help but make excuses, blaming it on the drugs and utter insanity that occurred at the height of our active addictions. The bottom line is: We are fortunate to have survived, and we are both better off away from each other. I hope he is doing well, wherever he is.