Depression and anxiety. I'll make a list and try to do 2 things per day

At least when I'm working I have an external source of routine that I can work myself around.

I fell into the abyss when I lost my job around Thanksgiving last year.

But I'm sending you a heart for having the courage to post what you're going through. Just admitting it is the first step.

Hang in there!

You are so right.

We are only as sick as our secrets as they say.

On to the Superbowl.... not really by choice, but family....

By the time you're done, your BFF will be out of church maybe.

Sometimes 2 things are enough to do. Be easy on yourself.

Today I just want to go back to bed and stop thinking self-angry thoughts. Maybe I will.

Did my nails too before I left the house to do grocery shopping.

AND it's been a busy weekend. Tomorrow my car has an appointment to be repaired under a recall notice/extended warranty item.

I live in MinneSNOWda, so we had several snow falls and because my car wasn't working and we were waiting on the part, it was still under about a foot or so of snow.

Last weekend I shoveled off everything from on top of the car. My son had said he'd help, but never did. Hubby helped, but then left me to it yesterday. Between the two of us going back to it, we got it done.

Today we called AAA to tow it to dealership and had a few more things to do. So I did get SOME stuff done, but the self care is what I struggle with.

That AND confronting my MAGA son.

I want to at least see if I can give him the info about the UNTRUE Meme about George Soros.

MAGA is saying George Soros is a former NAZI.

SO ironic. George is a Jew and born in 1930, he was 12 years old at the time of the photo they have alleged to be him. The Nazi pictured was 21 when he joined in 1942. Oskar Groening (not sure of spelling)

https://www.reuters.com/article/uk-factcheck-false-george-soros-claims/fact-checkfalseclaims-about-george-soros-idUSKBN23P2XJ


But when I sit down to type something up, I freeze.

I can't talk to him, he just talks over me.

I feel like if I can debunk one false narrative a week then I will establish a pattern of the people giving him information lying to him and MAYBE give him cause to start questioning his sources.

Good luck with the debunking. It's important to state the truth even if he won't listen.

and the worst life could seemingly throw at me at times. And no, I don't claim miracles, but long walks outdoors-regardless of weather--have been my lifeline. Sometimes out away from everyone where I can scream or cry if I want to, but always moving--one foot in front of the other. Sometimes similarly in the wee hours of the morning closer to home. And yes, it can take every single ounce of determination left to get out the door--sometimes it takes multiple attempts. Admittedly this may not be practical for others, especially if your health is not up to it, but it has truly helped me.

Best wishes to you. I hope you find what will help you and things get better for you.

Time outodoors is good for mental health, and so is walking as an expercise. When I'm walking my dog in a plesant outdoor space like the woods, I try and remember to stop and appreciate the natural world around us. And yes, that first step is the most important one.

A sampling:
https://www.google.com/search?q=do+outdoor+walsk+help+depression&rlz=1CAZAQH_enUS871&oq=do+outdoor+walsk+help+depression&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i10i160l2j33i299j33i22i29i30i625l2.8593j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Yeah, digging my car out of the snow yesterday actually helped me feel better.

And today I was driving around in the sunshine. Helped too.

That is the hard part.

I work during the week and get out in the sunshine at least to drive to and from work. Vitamin D and all.

I have a playlist of happy songs. Including:

Dancing in the Moonlight
Here Comes theSun
Good Day sunshine
Blue Sky
Walking in Sunshine.
Wild Nights


I have a long list. When I’m just not feeling it I play them. Not even loud. Just background music. Sometimes I find myself singing along. Sometimes I don’t consciously listen. But it’s there in my head the whole time.
Pushes out a lot of the negative.

I also consciously count my blessings everyday. I think people have more blessings than they think they have.

Get a dog, too. One that needs lots of fresh air.

I will borrow the dog.

But my Hubby's Aunt has a WONDERFUL dog, a mixed breed. mini schnauzer and maltese, so she looks like a mini schnauzer puppy.


She is SO happy to see family that she is happiness on steroids for about 10 minutes until everyone has been loved on.

https://wagwalking.com/breed/mauzer

It doesn’t matter what just get off your butt and freaking do something. I had a therapist for depression point out that an elixir could be right in front of me and I wouldn’t reach for it because of depression. In a group therapy session in a lock down ward the therapist asked if the glass was half full or half empty. My response was I don’t care because none of it matters anyway. Couple weeks later I told her the glass was half empty. We took a moment to recognize the progress that represented. I spent 20 years drinking and drugging to put off my depression. Didn’t always work. Got sober and started to get better. The one constant towards my progress is this: you can’t think yourself into right action but you can act yourself into right thinking. You are valued and you are loved. Do something you enjoy

Two things I had never talked about with anyone. Shrink pointed it out how temporary that medicating was. Then the problem returned in spades. Got moving and went back to school, started a business while working full time and found myself too busy for that old counter productive life. But, that was just me. Well over 30 years of being clean now.

Best of luck to you on your journey.

are like rearranging the trash instead of just taking it out.

Re-bagging and tagging, painting it doesn't help, it still stinks.


Thinking of it that way makes me giggle and realizing how non-productive it is to avoid dealing with reality makes me feel grateful whenever I can do anything IRL that I can check off a To Do List.


That and "ring around the brain" for when I sit on a subject so long that it's like peeling myself up and parts of me are in need of waking up and feel like pins and needles.

WHY put myself through that when I can just take some steps, deal with something, anything and just get on with it?

Whenever I speak up and make myself accountable, I get off my butt.


Thanks.

It is has been a catalyst for my own reflection about where I am and where I was. Accountability is amazing.

Being inter-dependent, where we each have our own things to do and can also give and receive help is what healthy is about.

i start the day w coffee and smokes and du and the news.
a good thing about having a puppy is that she needs a schedule. so, breakfast is what kicks the stuff to do of the day. at this point, when the music starts, the pup knows it’s time to eat.
once the puppy is fed, i tell myself- me 1st. take my pills, brush my teeth, do some yoga. feed the other critters. it’s almost habit, tho it isnt quite.
some days that’s 9, some days 11.

after that, if i can do 1 thing to move the ball, it’s a good day.
there’s always a long list of things, something every where i look. so i do the thing that is going to make me feel best about myself. what is bugging me the most? not what is most ‘important’.
cleaning always makes me feel good, even tho i resent it. i’ve been trying to purge some of the crap around here, and that feels good, too.

but the best thing about the puppy is she gets me outside, and around ppl, interacting w them.

this is my 3rd sunday of doing nothing, tho. the whole decision cascade of doing even little things around here is sand in my gears. so, if i dont do anything, i dont have to decide what to do.
the rest feels rly good. and that seems like accomplishment enough.

take care, and dont worry about something as small as showers unless you are going somewhere, and u rly stink.

The Cheiftans

Made me realize why I like minor keys, it's an Irish thing and the rhythms made me move in a happy way.

Maybe put on some music, maybe Blues, to feel the feelings and maybe let them out.

I've learned that when I engage in negative self talk, to say to myself 'don't listen to her'.

I remember crying because I woke up. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation, which I enhanced with alcohol. PTSD, Major Depression... I now have a psychiatrist and am on medication and am sober, with no desire to drink at all, especially after an aneurysm and Broken Heart Syndrome...

Sometimes medication helps (the rx kind). Reaching out, like you are, helps...you are welcome to message me anytime.

With you on this Journey, with love.

That I forget to begin...

I do take meds, have a supportive hubby, sister and friends that I can call if things get rough.

BUT I built up that support system and will be there for them as well.

I did go to 12 Step Groups for about 30 years... COVID blew that up. Haven't gotten back into IRL for that and didn't get online or other like I could have.

THAT was when I was at my best. Going once a week to just take care of my own stuff seemed to give me a chance to push the baggage off my shoulders as I went into the room and do my best not to pick it back up on the way out.

Well for me also Church is good.

I'm in the same boat with you. Sometimes I wanna just sleep and sleep

Even if it's just putzing around and getting little things done.

When I am working, I have to drag myself out of bed and am drinking energy drinks to keep my eyes open.

After lunch, I drink water only so that I can come down off the caffeine. Cause my drinks have 160mg - 300mg each.

BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY, I feel like Tiigrrr for awhile, then I get home and I just want to sleep.

But I have to make dinner, take care of cat and hubby. Figure out what to wear tomorrow.

Just not easy when you're trans because everyday feels like a new video game level whether or not you're going to make it through it because something is going to kill you.

I'm here for you. Message me anytime.

Sometimes, I have had to take a bit of a break from DU because I get information overload and don't know what to do with it all.

But coming back always feels like home.

But the fact that you are just done with it all and there is no reason to start anything? Why bother? (The question that no one seems able to answer.) The fact that you feel badly about your lack of motivation shows you are doing better than you might think. I don't feel badly about mine. Because I know there is no real reason (in my case) to bother. The fact you still have something in there to hold onto is a good thing. I hope it does not fade away. Being empty inside is not a good feeling.

That people who "THINK they know it all" are the farthest away from real truth and I think we have seen that in action.

But that someone who has emptied themselves out is actually able to let in the truth and the good that is ready for us.

I think sometimes that I have a higher purpose and should be doing important stuff, but can only keep my brain cells functioning if I am working a 9-5 and got my feet on that old hamster wheel running in circles.

It's like the external structure gives me something to rebel against and that bit of energy keeps me going.