Which is a child's dream, I know. Wishes are pretty much all I have left.

hope things start turning better for you.

In many ways I have no idea how to behave in a family since mine was never the best to begin with. But, I appreciate it more than anyone might know.

Exercise, any kind, and focus on breathing has helped a lot. Seems pills just bring on new problems. For me anyway.
Best of luck and a problem shared is always a problem cut in half.

All I do is take freaking pills. I cannot eat most of the things I like, if any. It seems I cannot drink anything more than water. I cannot DO most of the things I used to. A joyless life is not exactly appealing.

I hope things get better. I hope you move to a place that's better

For now, we cannot move. We don't have the resources to go anywhere that doesn't have the level of state aid that this state does. Plus, as far as we can tell, this is one of the better economies at the moment. So, regardless of the stone-faced people surrounding me, we are kind of stuck here. And, I cannot do anything about it. I have no cape to wear. Don't think I ever did.

I doubt I can do such a thing because I am having some cognitive issues these days. But I will have a look. Thanks for the info.

Those who have tried it reported feeling better after watching the 1st video.

Enjoy!

I’m sorry things are so hard. I hope things improve and you can be in a better place very soon. Hugs.

But, thanks. I appreciate the thoughts.

Petting or playing with a dog releases endorphins. And they can certainly be your best friend.



I hope you get to move soon. Where are you?

The owner seems to not want another one here since our last dog passed. It is just as well, as this place sucks and there is no way for a dog to be outside unless I have him/her on a leash. It is just not a good place to raise a dog. Our last one was already 10 when we moved here so he was not exactly energetic all the time. But, trying to raise a young one here would just be cruel to the dog. With no room to run around and always being on a lead... I don't find that appealing for any animal.

We live in Minneapolis. I don't mean anything personal, but these people and I can not find anything to connect on. I am far from the only southerner who lives up here, and the few I have run into all agree with me as far as the massive cultural differences when it comes to social interaction. Namely, I like to have fun and hang out. Up here, it seems as if they all need an excuse to gather together. A fellow transplant once said to me, "A Minnesotan will give you directions to anywhere except their house.", and so far he has been proven completely correct. Plus, it seems as if there has to be money involved. There is little to do without paying for it. (The next person who mentions hiking or any park related activities... I was raised on a farm in the freaking wilderness... I worked as a land surveyor for almost two decades. In the woods. So, been there done that.) Yes, I suppose it is just me. But, this has never been an issue before. Five states and never had any issue making friends. But, those other states were all in the south. Which is why I say that I want to move back so badly. The issue is... all of those states are run by rethug majorities and they have little in the way of aid for anyone other than the rich. So, I cannot move back. Unless I want to suffer a slow, wasting death at the hands of greedy asshats who are more concerned with dick waving than something so horrible as helping your fellow human being.

I lived in Minneapolis (well, Chaska and Brooklyn Park) for 5 years after graduating from high school. I was a southerner. People used to say--talk for us! I made a number of friends, and a couple of very good ones. Of course, we're talking 45 years ago.

I met some very nice people in community classes....gardening, tuning your own car, belly dancing. I recall the cost being very minimal or free.

You're right. Benefits in most southern states won't be great. And you sweat more.

How's about volunteering at a pet shelter? Even if you're just going in to pet or play with them.

We are now down to one car and I don't know what I can do about that. I cannot handle waiting for a bus if it is below freezing these days... a far cry from when I used to survey in the winter, standing in knee deep water while wearing normal coat, jeans and work boots. (Hey, the job has to be done, so the job has to be done.) You would not recognize Brooklyn Park if you were here that long ago. Probably Chaska as well.

I don't mind sweating. I can move better when it is over 80F. And, with this heart thing and diabetes, I have been told that I need to sweat more. Which is hard when it is below freezing for 6 months at a time. (Not every season of course.) Benefits in such places these days are all but nonexistent. Add to that what is going on in Washington in regards to Social Security... I probably won't have what I have by this time next year.

Being nice is not the issue. Minnesota nice is a real thing. The issue is that being nice is as far as they seem willing to go. They don't seem to want to talk. They don't even seem willing to make eye contact in most cases. I walk into the store and everyone passing me looks away or looks down as they pass. It is the wildest thing I have ever seen. As a southerner, you know when anyone passes and they are even remotely facing you or looking in your direction, you nod, say hi, or acknowledge in some way. Where I am from, it is almost rude not to do this. Not up here. Up here, I notice someone passing by who is facing in my direction, I wave, and they look like they just discovered a sniper aiming a rife at them. That has been my experience up here for the last several years... almost to a person. They just do not seem interested in meeting anyone or even considering the idea.

I also hope the panic attacks subside for you. I know they are not fun.

I am surprised that Minnesota is not a happy place for you. I always heard it’s a liberal Mecca.

Lots of places to go in America. Good luck!

Thanks for the thoughts. I had somewhat high hopes in moving here. Oh well...

a few of my neighbors decided to pass the lock down by blowing things up. like, m100’s, night and day. that’s not fireworks, it’s felonies, but i could get no help shutting them down.
these ppl had been friends, esp in the 8 yrs since i had started my urban farm. but i ended up in such a war w them.
it broke my heart, and rly ruined this whole project for me. i’ve mended some fences, but i’m just ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing. i dread running into ppl, where it used to be ghe best part.

i’ve had money troubles since the plague, something i’m not used to. now anxiety gets me, sometimes in a panic, and sometimes just a low boil for hours.
like u i have a string of issues that i’m having trouble tackling. so i just try to do the thing that makes me feel the best about myself. i’ve been purging the junk in my house/life, and doing some big cleans in my house. it burns off the worry, wears me out, and i look around and think- see mo? you can still function. doesnt that floor look great?
having a dirty house has always been a big drag on my life. not so bad now my kids are gone, but it’s a thing in the back of my mind that someone would knock on my door, and i dont want to be embarrassed to let them in.

money stuff will be settled soon, and i’m trying not to think that that will fix everything cuz it wont. it wont change the fact that i’m 68, and this might be as good as it gets from now on. i’m working on pivoting to the next chapter, but i sure dont like it.

hang in there, baldy. got thoughts on where to go?

I called 1800 junk and got a bunch of useless crap out of the apt. Stanley Steemer is coming to clean the area rug Tuesday.

I can't deal with the rug anymore.

I'm 57, disabled, and hoping for a better chapter in my future

You mention the plan to 'pivot to the next chapter'. Which means you see other chapters. Good for you. Because I do not see any for myself. My story is done. And, it is a pitiful, dirty pamphlet of about four pages. No one will ever read it and I have amounted to nothing because of it. Oh well...

i mostly mean- waiting around to die, or at least being old and in the way.
i’m not sure, but i know the days of dreaming w/o feeling like a fool r over. if u knew me well, you’d find that statement shocking.

it’s been an extraordinary few yrs, and maybe things will change. meeting the right person would change things. but i am fully in the mind of- i’ll never accomplish another thing worth doing.
so much i thought would always be a part of my life is just over.

I've been working so not on DU as much lately.

Kind of good in a way.

IF you aren't doing better, let me be the bit** in your life and tell you,

"TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR REAR, because it makes it easier to just put one foot in front of the other and take life a step at a time."

You don't need to be a mega success, but you do need to be there for your dear Hubby who has put up with all things to be with you.

IF your only claim to fame in the after life is that you were GOOD to that man, then it will be enough.

DO NOT ruin his life by abandoning yours.

It will kill him and you know it.

LOVE AND KINDNESS will get people like US only so far. Sometime we need to WAKE UP and realize that JUST LIVING is a big enough event and DO IT.

Sorry to be so mean, but you know I do it with the resolve in my heart that YOU DESERVE TO LIVE even if you can't feel it or believe it. Borrow my faith in you, old man.

You've lived through the 60's, 70's, 80's - Y2K and survived "boy bands" - ewwwww.

You can do one more day, one hour, one minute, one step at a time.

Besides within this next decade, MGT will finally do something SO STUPID she will win a Darwin Award or cell near TFG 45 AND YOU CAN NOT MISS THE DU CELEBRATION when that happens.

I am doing a bit better. The bike accident thing is proceeding and it looks pretty good that I will not only win against the driver's attempt to tag me for the damage to her vehicle, but the attorney thinks that this is 'actionable' (It is ongoing and so I cannot endanger the proceeding by babbling too much online.)

Being busy is always a good thing. I do still engage in some RPGs (Role Playing Games) and I am running one that has become something rather interesting as well as fun. Just imagine The Hardy Boys or The Three Investigators but as a bigger group who is more organized and is using a youth organization as their cover. I have been absolutely buried in the research and recollections of my horror history to create all the names of places as well as having to create the maps and people and images and lackeys and so on. (I have always been a horror buff. Saw the Exorcist when I was 11. One year after it came out. In a theatre. I loved it.)

But, I am always in pain. And, that wears one down so much that there are times when I cannot help but wallow in uselessness. And, that is something that offends me, Being useless when I used to be able to do so freaking much. I am a lump.

Also, I never sought 'fortune and fame'. I sought to be able to be what I am and earn a living doing it. One that allowed me to continue to do those things as well as (hopefully) create a life for someone else. The someone else happened, but that was it. Now, his hair is turning grey and it is not from aging. He is very taciturn most of the time. I feel so badly for being the albatross around his neck. I try to do what I can.

(I know what I am about to say, and I am sorry if it comes off as offensive because that is not my intent. You do know that the entire plan is to just stall everything until that orange gibbon passes, because it is looking like it will happen soon enough. Then, the entire situation will be gone as far as those in power are concerned. He is not going to see the inside of a jail cell. As to those cackling hens that are in the House, they are nothing and they know it. They command the spotlight because they make good copy. Which is why they continue to do that. They will get theirs soon enough.)

I know what my passing would do to him. That is always first and foremost in my mind. Because of what his passing would do to me, I understand. So, I try to struggle on. Such a waste of time though.

My hubby is also struggling with my lack of energy.

I keep thanking him for his patience and am trying to do at least 1 or more things a day to SHOW my gratitude vs saying it.

Today he wants to watch a movie with me. I have been hiding out at the PC a lot in the past week, including today.

So he gets to pick the movie and I will be there with him fully.

He and I are both in pain, him from nephropathy and me from doing physical labor for the last 5 years or so, lifting up to 50 pounds repeatedly. I think I have a torn ligament in my right shoulder by the way the pain happens. But I'm not a doctor, so I should just go get it looked at.

He goes to massage about every other week and I buy massage/acupuncture packages from a neighbor and long time friend, that I use in my moments of greatest need. Right now my carpal tunnel is acting up because I am doing fine hand work 8 hours a day. In the morning my hands are on fire until I stretch and shake the blood into them. I could take ibuprofen and it helps, but I forget. I could wear my wrist bands at night and it would help, but I can't remember where I put them.

Anyway, do whatever you can to help your pain so you can maybe be open to feeling better things.

Someday, if the depression ever lifts, I hope to see your joyful post here.

I also DO actually take Wellbutrin and before that, the world was always defeating me. I could NOT turn off the negative messages and just powered through my days using my anger as a weapon against my depression. I called it a "positive mind-F***" to use whatever I could AGAINST the Depression which was my enemy. That's exhausting. But it worked to get me through one day or another where I wanted to give up.

I also went to 12 Step groups for about 30 years. ACA takes anyone who had a dysfunctional family life. Covid disrupted that and I need to get back. It basically empowers me to take 1 hour a week to think about myself, listen to the ideas of others and leave my baggage at the door and start over a lot. One day at a time, one minute at a time are great concepts.

Take care, you.

By your age watching Exorcist, I may be older than you. Not sure I can call you Old Man any more.

As Indiana Jones so perfectly said after being told the years had not been kind, "It's not the years. It's the mileage." So, 'old man' works for me!