i'm having to choke down my anxiety and be the calm one

we have a huge fire raging just west of town. fires are a normal part of our ecosystem, but i have never seen one so big, so fast moving. i've never heard the emergency personnel say there's no hope for containment.

my sister's anxiety is ramped up all day, understandably so as they are much closer than we are here in town. my husband is freaked out and talking about getting ready to evacuate, but this is his first fire summer.

so i'm having to be the calm one, the one keeping them grounded. meanwhile, i'm screaming inside. it looked like the end of the world out there today, a guaranteed trigger for me.

i'm not worried about it reaching us, honestly, but it is still terrifying and i have to be the strong one. i want to rage, to scream at the universe while simultaneously doing my version of praying.

the worst part, as with all my triggers, is that i can do a goddamn thing about it but put out the good energy and keep an eye out. i am helpless and i hate that feeling worse than anything.