Having someone who cares about him enough to make him go is a very big thing.

... alcoholics - in my family. It's my experience that you cannot "make" them do anything. It has to come from them wanting to quit. Maybe going to AA will show the person quitting is an option, but I wouldn't bet the farm... AA, rehabs... they're fine for people who want to quit, but if the person doesn't want to quit, you can't make them. Nothing will work.

My feeling is that he's going to make her happy, not because he wants a new life without alcohol.

such that would work either. It would be nice, if one could take a pill and automatically stop the drinking. When one drinks, they actually change their body's metabolism in such a way that one's body craves the alcohol, so to speak. I too, have had alcoholics in the family and it's not an easy road nor an easy fix. You can't arrest them, or anything like that either.

For those of you w/ alcoholics in your lives, hang on there, and you keep yourself well too, for you need to be healthy too and well too. Don't give up. Unfortunately, in my case, the only way the 3 alcoholics in my family 'fixed' their problems was that they died, unfortunately. Two directly because of the drinking we think, and an accident by the 3rd one, which led to their eventual death. It's hard but for those of us that are healthy and still here, we must continue on w/ friends and family, keep traditions and things going.

Must have a Higher power(god). I don’t think success is any higher than 50% other wise. I went to 3 meetings and decided it was not for me. Never went back to my addiction.

if someone insists on you going to a recovery program, it isn't self-motivation; it isn't something that you want for yourself.

Can you truly "recover" and live life as a permanent alcoholic with meetings, etc. if some makes you attend?

I joined AA in 2021, and while I've seen many people come into the halls, then leave a little later, I've also seen just as many who stay in the program. I've also become friends with a number of alcoholics who came in to AA by order of a spouse or judge, and they are still sober many years later.
You can lead a horse to water...

I've been sober for 45 years. For the first two years of my sobriety, I went to AA, but after a meeting I would feel depressed. I don't know why that is. I'm not religious and I did have an aversion to saying the Our Father after meetings, but I don't think that was it. I just knew that I felt worse, not better. I've been sober 43 years without AA.

Whatever you believe is OK. The fact that you never went back to the addiction was/is a miracle.

drinking is about 50/50 with AA, the same as quitting yourself. I quit by myself several years ago. Every once in a while, I get a taste for some beer and I'll go get a couple and drink them at home. Alcohol doesn't rule my life like it used to. AA works for some people, but just as many people don't really it.

A chance for two lives in one lifetime. I've heard they'll refund your misery if you want to keep drinking.

I've found it's not too "preachy". If it was, I'd have left. If he doesn't feel he has a problem it won't help, at least not initially.

Admitting that one's life is unmanageable because of alcohol.

If the man won't take that Step, then he's not embracing the principles of AA; he's just going to meetings. Please don't get me wrong. That's better than not but for the Program to be successful, the alcoholic has to sincerely follow the Steps and Principles of AA.

If he doesn't accept that he has a problem, the odds are very low that the Program will help him. The religious woman he's living with very well may be setting herself up for a disappointment.

My best wishes to all in the tale.

Has become unmanageable. Both parts are important.

of a halfway house, I can say seldom does being forced into a program work. The alcoholic almost always has to hit their own "bottom" and realize they need help. Saw many instances of court forcing someone into a program that actually made problem worse.

You confirmed my suspicions.

His recovery is likely to be delayed.

Lots of anecdotal self reports on efficacy, and many swear by the community and support AA provides, but the fact is 12 step alone doesn’t address underlying trauma and mental health issues often associated with addiction.

Addiction is a psycho-bio-social-spiritual disease.

I'm an agnostic so the whole god thing about AA bugs me. I know it works for a lot of people. I attend SMART meetings and they've worked for me for over 5 years. Whatever works, I say. There are also other alternatives as well.

If you're interested, check out: https://www.smartrecovery.org

He was a member for 43 years and he counted the other members as family.

My question is whether talk therapy works if you’re compelled to attend and it’s not self-motivated.

I was forced to go into rehab. My family did an intervention on me. For the longest time my attitude was, "You guys made me do this. It wasn't my choice." I stayed on the wagon, but in the back of my mind, I was pretty bitter about it. To this day, I still don't think I was a raging alcoholic. I was an evening drinker. Anyway, I've finally come around and have to admit, it's better for everyone that I no longer drink. But if I voluntarily gave up drinking, it would have been a whole lot easier. I suspect 95% of people who are forced to quit, will start drinking again.

Sorry about deviating and not answering your original question.

about 3%. If you go to a alcohol rehab center it is about 10%.

I worked for the state and read many studies and never saw these statistics. What I remember most is that attending group meetings (of any type) is one of the strongest predictors of success.

Addiction specialists cite success rates slightly higher, between 8% and 12%. A New York Times article stated that AA claims that up to 75% of its members stay abstinent. Alcoholics Anonymous' Big Book touts about a 50% success rate, stating that another 25% remain sober after some relapses.Feb 2, 2023

And AA isn't a religious organization, everyone's beliefs are their own. Most of the members in my groups are "lapsed" from religion. And my sponsor who helped me so much was Jewish, not religious, just culturally. And AA worked for me when nothing else did, I'm in my 15th year of sobriety. Tell your friend to give it a try, all that's required is an open mind.

Yes, 40 years. It is not the religion, it is the fact that you are with other people who care about you. Now,
I don't know what I weigh. I threw away the scale in year 2. (1981)
I only get on the scale at the doctor's office.

I know only one thing............If I hadn't lost that weight, I wouldn't be typing these words.
Those meetings are a miracle. If you believe in any kind of higher power, (such as the power of
the group to do good) then that is OK. If fact the meetings are open to anyone who want to lose
weight. (or stop drinking or whatever) Yes, I led meetings, been to conventions, and read all the literature.
Any kind of higher power, works..and, if you don't believe in one, that is OK too.

....It works, if you want to work it. That is the most important idea in beating an addiction. You got to want to beat the addiction more than anything else. Addictions are very difficult to beat.
......And when you think you have seen it all, there is always "MORE AND MORE".

And the amount of "MORE" is only defined by the number of people who go to meetings.

So, if you want to take a chance on beating some sort of addiction...then go to a meeting. Usually there is no charge to go to a meeting. (that is up to individual meeting members) I can only say that,.. OA saved my life.
And some of the people I met at meetings are currently my best friends.
Give it a try! If you don't like a meeting, then go to another meeting.

The meetings are different according to the people that attend a particular meeting. There is very little to lose, ( a few bucks,
and some time) Yes, there are certain rules, but each meeting makes its own rules. Give it a try. Going to a meeting is
really worth it.

And I got down to 105 pounds and was threatened with hospitalization. I'm still not a big eater, but I try to eat regularly and take vitamins as suggested by my doctor. And then tonight I had dinner with AA friends, ate more than usual - and I brought desserts. As you said, nothing works like meetings, learning to realize it's not just you, and hearing from others with similar stories and what they did to achieve recovery. And, like you, I have also made some great friends in AA. And what anyone chooses to believe is up to the individual. A few I know are religious, most are not. And though I went to my first meeting in 2008, I still go regularly, lead a meeting on Mondays - since I can't forget and it's now up to me to reach out to others as my sponsor reached out to me.

AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR OUTSTANDING POST.

I don't know where I'd be without her - and the program. And I try to pay it forward.

Too many people mistakenly think that AA is a "religious" program, it's not. All they have to do is read Bill's story. He was not doing well when he had a visit by an old friend who he assumed must be dead by then. But the guy was not only healthy, but happy as well. And he told Bill that what worked for him was finding "a power greater than himself." Many I know use the meetings or the program, which has now spread all over the world. And it's spawned numerous other programs, OA, NA, the list goes on. At the OA meetings I went to we read from AA's Big Book, substituting the word "alcohol" for "food." It really does work, all it takes is an open mind.

That's really what it comes down to. I have friends in AA who have been sober for 30+ years and they started out by saying "my Higher Power is that which makes the grass grow". Through the years they have come to a personal relationship even though they began as atheists or agnostics.

Fake it til you make it

Is a common saying for a reason

In my opinion. I first went in 1984 and it took hold,still sober almost 40 yrs now. Do the 30 meetings in 30 days if at all possible, I did more like 90 in 90 days and many many more. If you really want it it will happen but you have to put in the time.


I also am an atheist and dealt with the "Higher" Power concept just fine with out all the "God" BS.

AA/NA works for many people and that is great. It also does not work for many people, which is okay. It did not work for me. I never got past the ‘higher power’ stuff, didn’t like that relapse was treated as total failure, and it felt too judge-y to me, especially AA (NA tended to be a younger, more easy-going crowd).

What was extremely helpful was listening to people speak at meetings. Even if you don’t follow the program/steps, hearing other alcoholics/addicts share their stories, talk about the challenges of recovery in their daily lives, and share what that stupid, incessant addict voice in their brain keeps telling them and how they manage those unwanted, crafty thoughts… it makes you feel, well … normal, for lack of a better word. A normal person with a powerful, cunning disease that can lay *anyone* low. That you aren’t some worthless piece of garbage, that you aren’t crazy, that others have done and thought the same cruddy things that you have, and worse. And you can see most are good, decent people, from all walks of life. That you aren’t as outcast and uniquely terrible as you thought. That’s powerful shit. Especially when you start to learn to forgive yourself and get some relief from some of the crushing guilt we all feel. Hearing the others speak and seeing parallels to his own life/behaviors may make him realize he does have a problem.

AA does a good job.
Of course the clinicians don't like admitting this.

I somehow doubt the success of someone requiring their spouse to go to church and AA. You don't quit until you really want to quit and no amount of outside pressure changes that. You might stay dry for a while to please someone else, but you have to quit for yourself.

I did it, on my own, with only the help of some anti-depressant medicines and a loving wife. It was not easy, and even though it has been nearly 20 years, the thought of having a single beer scares me to death of breaking the spell. I will not drink again, in any situation in any volume, because I am weak and if I drank one social beer, the next day I would buy a six pack and would fall right back into self-destructive behavior. I know myself pretty well enough to know I can't be trusted with booze.

Some of us are not group therapy people, AA would not have helped me, I am not a joiner; but I do recognize that it has helped a lot of people. Every person is different and not all strategies work for all people.