for your wife. A good advisor can set that up for you. It can be structured to guarantee your wife has the necessary resources without anybody being able to change that.

make that call Monday morning if you can. But before you do, ask around and get a good referral. Interview 2-3 financial advisors and then go with your gut. I'm glad you're taking care of business now, my folks are 80 and in very poor health and everything is a mess sadly. Best of luck to you and your wife!

your area? contact your city council people or aarp? I would include your kids in this project when you find some legal protections. got a will?

Last edited Fri Aug 16, 2024, 10:00 PM - Edit history (1)

Estate attorney so if something happens to you she will be cared for plus a financial advisor.

Our estate attorney created a trust and everything managed by the financial advisor is in the name of the trust. That way if one of us goes first, the other one can readily access assets. The estate attorney also helped us figure out who we trusted to help if both of us were incapacitated at the same time. If you don't have a family member or friend who would fit that description, the attorney can watch out for your wife if (God forbid) something happened to you.

Friends or even friendly acquaintances are the best sources of names for these professionals.

You need a good attorney to plan this out for you, and advise you on a financial advisor. A bank with a trust division (or a trust company) would be a good source to help manage a trust or other financial matters. Their services may cost you some dineros, but it will be money well-spent, just for the peace of mind.

but I will stick to my guns that someone who is recommended by someone you know who knows you leads to a deeper connection. But if you don't have a person like that, the bar association list can certainly help. We've had to go just that route with a different kind of legal case and the person was competent but a little warmth goes a long way if you're looking at end-of-life issues, in my experience.
To each their own.

I totally agree on the irrevocable trust. Do it as soon as you can. She will be taken care of.

you to a reputable financial manager. They may even have a program for aging singles to manage finances. So sorry for your worry.

ready, pose your question there. That is the DU of financial sites. People are knowledgeable and helpful.

Bogleheads is a great financial forum--people are pretty helpful and knowledgeable.

https://www.bogleheads.org

FWIW
Stephanie Haslam
Compassionate Legal Care
https://compassionatelegalcare.com/stephanie-haslam/

Although she is only licensed to practice here in WA, it might be worth giving her a call. She may be able to provide general guidance on options and typical range of costs.

She took care of my step-fathers new will, powers of attorney, and other financial planning after my mother died. He found her to be extremely knowledgeable and caring and was very happy to work with her.

From her website:

Step #1 talk to a local social services or
senior citizen's agency?

And he put together a trust for me that included my Will, my Living Will, my house papers, my personal papers, phone and account information..everything (hopefully) that my sister would need when my time is up. It came in a very well organized binder with easy to find tabs. So glad I did it. Best wishes for you and your wife

Elder law is a specialization. This is a nonprofit organization that the Mass. Bar Assn includes as a major recommendation for these topics. There are state chapters, but here is the national site.
https://www.naela.org/

They will have not only technical expertise, but interpersonal skills that can help build rapport with clients in this life stage.

I haven't used them, but a friend is a recently retired lawyer and this was his focus. Good luck!

I'm thinking a lawyer.......not cheap but it will be worth the money

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/resources/public-information/how-do-i-find-a-lawyer-/

Hoping a wise solution emerges that eases your mind.

One problem I notice in my family and friends is we will talk comfortably about anything but money and death.

We can spend weeks together and have, but nobody feels like it's a good idea to ask Mom how she has things organized in her will, or ask my beautiful Auntie what it feels like to be 93, how she thinks about mortality, if she might consider leaving my great Auntie's house, (that went to my Uncle after Great Auntie passed), to family members when she passes?

Because it's none of our damn business what she does with it, it belongs to her, and she can do with it exactly what she pleases! It just would be so nice if it went to the next generation after me as housing in Honolulu seems impossible for the young folks...but yeah, nobody can ask.

There's a program here that helps family members talk about these things if they want to through the Mediation Center of the Pacific. Perhaps there is something like it there.

And heartily second the suggestion of a good estate attorney. He or she can help with the other questions or at least refer you to the pros she trusts in the field.

Also I must suggest reading my friend's book, "Wait, Don't Die Yet" by Annette Kam. She has made it available for free in a downloadable pdf or it's available in bookstores including Planet Bezos (Amazon). Not just who do you want your pet to go to but who is the veterinarian? What do all these keys go to? Is there a safety deposit box, and if so, where is the key? What accounts and loans exist? What are the monthly bills, how do you pay them, what is your email password, bank account numbers...or if there are documents for any investments and accounts putting them in a trust, need to know that they are in the name of the trust so that the assets transfer directly to the beneficiary upon death or incapacity of the owner. Many other things without which
a) peoples' assets are tied up in probate, costing @30-50% of the value, and b) upon passing or incapacity of the owner, bills start racking up and they need to be paid while things get sorted out.

Full of incredibly useful information that has proved invaluable for many.

Here's Annette on our TV news

As I did sign up. Thank you for posting this

I bought the book and downloaded the pdf

She is such a lovely person.

Of course then I think how smart is it to have a book containing all my dang passwords and account numbers in my house

But my plan is to wrap it in brown paper and write something like
HOA Board Meeting Minutes 1998
or

Accounting 101

or ?

on the spine

aloha Deuxcents!

Didn’t expect it so soon. Would love to have the book, too. I’ll try to figure out how to order it from the email I received. Thanks so much and I hope others reading this thread takes advantage of your information. 🌺

Aloha
Deuxcents

Surely at least one of them would want to ensure their Mom is properly cared for? But maybe not.

In the anscence of someone you trust personally, I suggest fiding a flat fee financial advisor that specializes to retirement managment.

...my wife will not be easily moved to some kind of care facility.
That's one fight I won't be around to help them with.
And how do they get access to her/our money when the time comes.
She will NOT share bank accounts with them now, so at what point should they be included?
I'm not being obtuse, and I thank you for your ideas, but dealing with a person who has been a powerful, capable, intelligent woman her whole life, and who now has problems operating a remote is very difficult.
I'm still working on it.