Billings' Favorite Racist Coffee Shop Closes; City Devastated

Owner Larry Heafner told the Beet, “The Coffee Tavern was the first third-wave racist coffee shop in Billings to open to date, and nobody can take that away from us. We felt honored to provide Billings with the best flat whites and white mochas for the last two years."

Coffee Tavern Manager Braden Heafner gave some details about the decision: “A lot of people in the racist coffee scene loved what we were doing and turned us on to some ways that we could really perfect our craft. We finally got around to watching Julian Smith’s “Racist Coffee” documentary, and that opened our eyes to what other types of coffee we could be serving. We never realized some people could drink it straight black.”

“This is an insurmountable loss to our community and downtown culture,” said Mayor Bill Cole. “I don’t think there’s any way we could repay our debt to The Coffee Tavern for what they’ve given us. They were the first here to introduce us to the lightest bean roasts we’ve ever had. I’m not convinced anyone will ever be able to replace the hole they’re leaving.”

For a detailed histography of the community resources The Coffee Tavern has helped provide the last two years, visit their website thecoffeetavern.com.

https://www.thebillingsbeet.com/local/2019/5/3/billings-favorite-racist-coffee-shop-closes-city-devastated

Note: This is satire.