New Law to Require Montana Medicaid Patients to Submit Sweat, Tear Samples to Prove How Hard They

New Law to Require Montana Medicaid Patients to Submit Sweat, Tear Samples to Prove How Hard They Are Suffering


HELENA— In an effort to ensure that those on Medicaid are actively suffering, a new law proposed in the state House will require everyone enrolled to periodically submit vials of sweat for measurement by government officials.

“We want to make sure that our resources are allocated only to those who are deserving of assistance, which is why all Medicaid patients must now prove they have exerted themselves past the point of perspiration during their jobs, unpaid labor, or family responsibilities,” said Rep. Ed Buttrey (R-Big Fork Great Falls) , who added that each month, in order to remain eligible, Medicaid patients will have to wring out their sweat into official government vials before mailing them in for careful scrutiny by state lawmakers with the appropriate paperwork.

“These new stipulations will guarantee that people on Medicaid are out there every day suffering sufficiently, completing their mandatory unpaid labor hours, and working up a good sweat, and not returning home at night until beads of perspiration are rolling off of them.”

“I think this is where literature is instructive,” Buttrey explained further. “We can take a page from Ramsey Bolton and make sure that people have even more skin in the game. Buttrey stressed that the new requirement is not punitive. This is brcaise will offer exemptions from the sweat or flayed skin submission requirements to those who submit tears to prove they are in sufficient pain to deserve medical help.

Read more: http://mtcowgirl.com/2019/02/27/new-law-to-require-montana-medicaid-patients-to-submit-sweat-tear-samples-to-prove-how-hard-they-are-suffering/

(This article is a parody.)