[God creating kittens]
God: Make them really fluffy and adorable, like little furry hugs.
Angel: That’s so swee–
God: And put razor blades on their feet.

[God creating pandas]
God: Cow bears.
Angel: What?
God: Did I stutter?
Angel: …
God: Take a cow and make it a bear.

[God creating spiders]
God: Make it have 8 legs.
Angel: Seems excessive, but okay…
God: And 8 eyes.
Angel: You need to calm dow–
God: And a butt rope.

[God creating bees]
God: Put a needle on its butt.
Angel: Come on, wha–
God: And make its puke delicious.

[God creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yeah.
God: Fill it with teeth.
Angel: Umm, what?
God: FILL IT!

[God creating a praying mantis]
God: Make an insect that does karate.
Angel: Okay.
God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off.
Angel: Dude, we need to talk.

[God creating parrots]
God: How about a tye-dye chicken who screams actual words at you?

[God creating bats]
God: I want a hairy black potato with wings.
Angel: Umm…
God: …
Angel: God?
God: Also, it should sleep upside down.

[God creating hippos]
God: How about a big fat horse that’s always trying to sneak up on you in a pool?

[God creating octopi]
God: Give it 8 super strong arms and hands.
Angel: Uhh, we’re out of bones.
God: Okay, 8 weird floppy arms with suction cup things.

[God creating hyenas]
God: So, it’s a cat dog with jaws of steel.
Angel: Sweet!
God: But it laughs like Fran Drescher.

[God creating chimps]
God: Shrink a gorilla and make it smart.
Angel: Okay. And what sound should it make?
God: Just have it scream all the time.

[God creating ducks]
God: I’m out of ideas. Just put a big surfboard mouth on a pigeon and make it sound like a loud idiot. I don’t know.