Hmmmm? It' ain't necessarily so -- what you read in the ads...

they're soft and smooth, never scratchy.

I didn't read labels carefully enough & ended up with microfiber sheets. They looked pretty, but ick. Also, they were very thin.

100% Cotton here.

Dryer sheet mostly paraffin,... which is wax. Helps make it soft during the dryer - but sacrifices absorbancy with the cotton fibers coated with wax.

In the final rinse in the washing machine add a cup of white vinegar to help neutralize any soap residue so the towels come out softer after the dryer cycle.

Your advice on vinegar is great…cleaning vinegar has a higher acid content…works better.
My wife uses soap nuts, plus we hang laundry outside for as long as we can.

Before I retired I was owner/operator of a carpet and upholstery cleaning service. I rinsed all I cleaned with vinegar…we had a special absolutely no smell product..it was about 30 % acidic …people would ask why I did…told them soap’s job is to attract soil so we need to get rid of it entirely…your carpet will l stay cleaner, longer. Had many happy, repeat clients.

Very informative

But they just don’t soak up the water.
I just use them to put my hair in when not washing it…

So no

My all-cotton towels have held up for many years and many washings.

They actually hold a higher volume of water per unit mass, but most microfiber products are really thin.
Less mass, less absorption.
I'm assuming a bath towel would be thicker than a kitchen cloth. But, that's just a supposition.
If it is thicker, it will absorb a LOT of water.

But, I think they'd have a slimy feel on the body.
I'll pass.

yuck!

If your hands are the least bit rough or dry, the microfiber towels catch on every little less-than-smooth areaand it feels like dragging Velcro over sandpaper.

Because I so dislike how they feel on my hands, I've never tried a full body-size towel.

Like plastic.