I spent several hours this afternoon watching Jimmy Carter's funeral ceremony at the National Cathedral.

I wasn't able to catch it live, but in some ways, watching it this way was even better. It was really nice to be able to dwell on the parts I felt like dwelling on and fast forward through other parts that I found less riveting. (Though there honestly weren't very many times when I felt like doing that, it was nice to know I could if I wanted to.)

I found it to be very moving. Being able to immerse myself in all the beautiful tributes being paid to Carter turned out to be just what I needed right now. It was lovely to be able to focus for a little while on the life of such a kind, decent, and loving man and hear about the many ways he touched the lives of others and the love he inspired in them. It reminded me that good people still really do exist, even now, when we sit poised on the brink of whatever hell TSF is getting ready to plunge us all into less than 2 weeks from today.

Watching all the former presidents (and the current one) sitting there, I couldn't help wondering if the Orange Hellbeast actually understood a word of what was being said. Surely, I thought, all those words about Carter's humility, kindness, and selflessness must have fallen on TSF's ears like pebbles thrown at a windowpane, like "sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal," mere, meaningless noise. After all, those people were talking about things of which he has no comprehension or appreciation.

One thing we do know for sure is that he hates having to sit though any event being held in honor of someone other than himself. It goes completely against his grain to have to listen to one person after another singing the praises of anyone who isn't him. I'd like to think he was bored restless, and resentful the whole time. (I'd also like to think it might have done him some good, except that I think he's too far gone to benefit from any such experience.)

The atmosphere in that cathedral radiated warmth and love and gratitude for the many gifts that great man had given to the world as a whole and to so many of the participants as individuals. I felt it myself, just watching a recording of it on this tablet, and I'm sure most of those present must have felt enveloped in it, like a warm, fluffy blanket protecting them tor a little while from the hate and meanness awaiting them back out in the cold, cruel world.

Except for TSF. His mind was too tiny and closed to grasp what was going on, and his heart was too wizened and shriveled to feel the warmth of that love even as it swirled all around him. What a tiny, pathetic creature he is, unable to either truly feel love or even recognize it when he's surrounded by it. I wouldn't want to trade places with him for all the money in the world.

I just hope and pray that I can remember what that cathedral full of love felt like in the coming weeks, and that remembering it will help me face whatever is coming. It's good to know I can watch and experience it again, whenever I need a fresh dose of that warmth.